Monday, July 28, 2008

Some Sais, or a Bo-staff at the very least.

So all around my house I have Hurricane Evacuation Route signs. What they don't have, however, are Zombie Evacuation routes. For the past 23 years this has never bothered me. My first 18 years I lived on a farm in a rural town--easily defendable and with a ready source of food. For the last 5 I lived at Purdue University, which had a vast network of tunnels easily converted as a makeshift base of operations, and 40,000 college students, who, as everyone knows, are well aware of the danger of a zombie horde outbreak. Now however I live in a large-ish urban area (100,000 people or so)--a ready food source for the zombie hordes, and with a population that is decidedly not college students. I doubt most of these people here even know how to decapitate a zombie with a Compact Disc, nor care to learn. They whittle away their days fishing for mackeral, and surfing. What this does mean for me, is that if--when--the Mindless Plague shows up, I could be in a position both to survive, and possibly lead the other survivors.

Right now my emergency plan--and keep in mind I've only had a few days to scout out the areas resources--would involve two possible actions. Worst comes to worst I hightail it to Folly Beach--only a few minutes away--and head to the pier. Assuming zombies can't swim, and I have yet to see any evidence that they can, I can cut off the access to the pier, use the boards for a cooking fire/smoke signals, and fish for survival. Obviously this is not a permanent solution for many reasons. First, fires on a wood pier are generally not a good idea. I mean I can use the tin roof to make a fire pit pretty easily...but still. Also from every movie I've seen, as soon as I'm lulled into a sense of safety, some zombies will have walked the bottom of the ocean and will climb up the anchors of the pier. Now I'm fucked out in the ocean rather on land. At least on land I can outrun a zombie.

So plan two. There is an old Aircraft carrier here, the USS Yorktown, which was created during WWII. As we all know, Nazi Germany was experimenting with zombies during WWII to create a super army (more proof). Knowing this, I'm sure the US Military outfitted all new war machines with anti-zombie defenses. If I can make it to the USS Yorktown, I can survive on the MREs I always keep in my trunk until help arrive. I'm assuming at least a few cadets from the Citadel will have the same idea as myself, and will try to make it to the carrier. Once this happens, we can decide on a course of action from there. Right now my problem is that I don't have much in the way of a weapon. Of course I always keep a baseball bat and tire iron in my trunk, but that's really going to tucker me out. It's much better to decapitate then to bash, as Grandpa Jimmy always used to say. I have always felt that a combat shotgun would be the best general defense, and I can keep that in my room, but when driving around I'm still unprotected. A gun won't work there because I'm afraid that I will be pulled over. I know the government has its eye out on me, and I dont' want to give those bastards a chance. A sword, however, I think is a pretty good weapon, combining the portability/no licensure of a baseball bat with the lethality of a shotgun.

I still need to think of a suitable plan of action if the plague hits while I'm at work. Any ideas?

1 comment:

Scott D said...

I'm going to have to disagree with the sword recommendation. Will makes some very good points on this matter. Namely, your average person isn't strong enough to cut a zombie's head off with a sword, and stabbing wounds have no effect. I would contest that using a sword would be more tiring than using a bat. I do support the shotgun idea, though. Badass.
--Scott DeGan