Wednesday, August 18, 2010

This is what happens when you listen to too much of the Bugle.

I was recently lying in bed with my girlfriend, talking about friends' upcoming weddings, and how silly it is to go through all that rigamarole. I stated that I wanted my wedding on a boat, with 1/4th of a stringed quartet playing all the music. The price would be lower and the setting memorable.

My girlfriend groggily asked "What are you talking about?"

"A boat and cost cellos." I replied.

"Please don't start this again." she groaned.

"What do you mean its too dangerous? Low rails? Hardly. The setting is perfect, and I already know what cuisine we'll have. We'll have soup prepared by the finest kosher chefs. That's right, Three Stew-Jews."

"Make it stop." She yelled into her pillow.

"We can't have just soup you say? Oh! Liver! with lots of Salts, man. We can't have an open bar of course. All that liquor will make your aunt Wilder and Pry her off the single men will be a full time job."

At this point my girlfriend just stopped responding.

"Are you Cross? Be Hope-ful. We'll have a great wedding yet. If anything, your anger is really missing the Marks. Brother!"

I'm only allowed to listen to The Bugle once a week now.