A friend of mine made a jab at me the other day because of my facebook religious view "Open-minded Christian." Her interpretation? "That just means you don't go to church." After some thought, it turns out she was right, but not in the way she meant.
I've been pondering why I don't go to church anymore. Is it because, like so many people, when the parental obligation was removed, my apathy shone through? Doubtful. I have a pretty rational view of the world, and as such can realize when my own beliefs are irrational. My beliefs are real beliefs, though many would argue otherwise. And it's not a reaction to the excesses of the faith, for I've never been able to fault the wisdom of one person for the mistakes of many. This said, there is a genuine balking feeling in me at the thought of going to church, and it's made me curious as to why that feeling exists. It was a passage from James Baldwin's "The Fire Next Time" that shed light on my situation:
"It is not too much to say that whoever wishes to become a truly moral human being (and let us not ask whether or not this is possible; I think we must believe
that it is possible) must first divorce himself from all the prohibitions, crimes, and hypocrisies of the Christian church. If the concept of God has any validity or any use, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of him."
All organized religions are inherently evil. This may not be their intention, but evil exists because of their actions nonetheless. Churches exist to interpret the philosophy of a man. (I'm speaking in general terms, not just of the Christian religion.) If these organizations existed to facilitate a free flow of ideas over the given philosophy--a truly free flow--then perhaps that evilness would be mitigated. But even the most benevolent church exists to preach, that is to spread a specific interpretation of a philosophy. In essence they are asking (and more often demanding) a capitulation of free thought to accept the one interpretation. In exchange, you are offered safety in the next life--even though in every religion that safety is already freely offered.
When free thought is surrendered, man no longer truly has a free will--he no longer has that which defines humanity. Anything that causes man to surrender his very essence can only be evil, even if the intentions are well-meaning. Worshiping a deity or following a philosophy is itself an exercise of free will. In order for a religion, that is a way to worship, to be truly good it must divorce itself from organized interpretation. Only then will the control, the blindness, the violence, the fear, that has come with every single religion, whether the monotheistic Christianity, the pluralistic Hinduism, or the self-deitization of the modern Buddhism. If not, if the notion of God is used to perpetrate fear and the denial of self, then God ceases to be valid, and what Descartes inadvertantly started, and Nietzsche perpetuated will be completed by the very organizations that claim to serve that which it is destroying.
If God undeniably exists, then religions are dutifully bound to reject the confines which they themselves have created. Only be removing the ideological confines that each ones places on the interpretation of their respective philosophies, and promoting a free exchange of, at times, conflicting messages, can their proverbial souls be saved.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Ah growing up.
"Neil, this is my friend 'Ash---.' She's the smartest person I know."
It shone through. Her quiet self-confidence, calm yet magnetic, constantly turned every head towards her, despite the most humble efforts to do just the opposite. While the conversation spun around the coffee table, bouncing from one person to the next between sips of hearty zinfadels and cab savs (acidic reds for the spicy fall flavors, naturally), she sat off to the side, rarely interjecting with her thoughts. But when she did speak, people listened. Not the type of listening where one is waiting for the chance to speak, but the earnest wish to understand.
All of this entered me, filled me, and left me stricken quiet. A rare occurrence. It was only during my trip home, reflecting on the events of the night, did I realize her physical beauty and grace was as striking as her intellect. It has been a long time that one's qualities have been revealed in that order.
Despite appearances to the contrary, the chance meeting of this person was not what amazed me. It was that I believe this signals the deeper emotional change that is going to occur soon. I am self aware enough to recognize the snowball I created 5 months ago--I just don't know where the snowball is headed.
That change manifests itself in the smallest ways. Tonight I carved a pumpkin. This decidedly juvenile activity shouldn't have been a revelatory experience, but I scooped out the pulp with my hands. Not a spoon. When I was a child and my sister and I would carve pumpkins, my father would always scoop out the goop--an activity I could never bring myself to do. I always thought that it was amazing that he could just stick his hand in there, unafraid, and pull out the insides. Not only did the activity feel so slimy, the it had a certain brutality about it. Tonight, however, it didn't phase me. I've accepted the mantle of adulthood.
It shone through. Her quiet self-confidence, calm yet magnetic, constantly turned every head towards her, despite the most humble efforts to do just the opposite. While the conversation spun around the coffee table, bouncing from one person to the next between sips of hearty zinfadels and cab savs (acidic reds for the spicy fall flavors, naturally), she sat off to the side, rarely interjecting with her thoughts. But when she did speak, people listened. Not the type of listening where one is waiting for the chance to speak, but the earnest wish to understand.
All of this entered me, filled me, and left me stricken quiet. A rare occurrence. It was only during my trip home, reflecting on the events of the night, did I realize her physical beauty and grace was as striking as her intellect. It has been a long time that one's qualities have been revealed in that order.
Despite appearances to the contrary, the chance meeting of this person was not what amazed me. It was that I believe this signals the deeper emotional change that is going to occur soon. I am self aware enough to recognize the snowball I created 5 months ago--I just don't know where the snowball is headed.
That change manifests itself in the smallest ways. Tonight I carved a pumpkin. This decidedly juvenile activity shouldn't have been a revelatory experience, but I scooped out the pulp with my hands. Not a spoon. When I was a child and my sister and I would carve pumpkins, my father would always scoop out the goop--an activity I could never bring myself to do. I always thought that it was amazing that he could just stick his hand in there, unafraid, and pull out the insides. Not only did the activity feel so slimy, the it had a certain brutality about it. Tonight, however, it didn't phase me. I've accepted the mantle of adulthood.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Quick update
Another item added to the Sarah Palin beliefs list:
Only SOME domestic bombers are terrorists. Just like only certain parts of America are considered "Real America" and certain Americans actual patriots, only certain domestic bombers are terrorists. I don't support Bill Ayers, and will make no defense of his actions, which I believe were wrong. Because of that belief, I don't support any person trying to harm an American through terrorist methods. Apparently that's not the belief of the Vice President though.
In her view, Bill Ayers planting bombs on American soil made him a terrorist. No argument there. Anti-abortion extremists who blow up abortion clinics and take innocent lives, are not.
Only SOME domestic bombers are terrorists. Just like only certain parts of America are considered "Real America" and certain Americans actual patriots, only certain domestic bombers are terrorists. I don't support Bill Ayers, and will make no defense of his actions, which I believe were wrong. Because of that belief, I don't support any person trying to harm an American through terrorist methods. Apparently that's not the belief of the Vice President though.
In her view, Bill Ayers planting bombs on American soil made him a terrorist. No argument there. Anti-abortion extremists who blow up abortion clinics and take innocent lives, are not.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Movies: LOTR>Star Wars>Harry Potter. Books: Harry Potter>LOTR>Star Wars
So work has sucked lately. Don't worry, this isn't going to be an entry when I gripe all the time. Quite the opposite. I'm just saying that it hasn't been that great. I have a boss that doesn't know how to utilize me properly, or really know how to manage. There are two coworkers of mine that, although students, have been around since before my boss has been there. They have their own projects, do their own thing, and that's fine. In short, they are able to work independently and function like a professional--my boss has never had to manage them. Then there are two part-time office workers. Recent hires. Kind of gofers. They are assigned office tasks, complete them, and move on. My boss, apparently, believes that that is also my role here. Except, I was hired due to my 3 years of community service work, and my 3 combined years of managerial experience---I was hired specifically to not be a person to simply complete tasks, but to manage myself, and work to expand my office's capacities. In fact a VISTA's job description specifically says "expand capacities."
But even if she is going to try to run me as a worker bee, she would have to give me tasks, right? Nope, that's not the case either.
A sample conversation:
Me: Stef. All of my projects are done. My next big project I can't work on until mid-November. What do you believe this office needs that I can work towards improving.
Stef: I have so much work I don't know what to do. I'm so busy that I can't give you any guidance or work to do, because that would take too much time. (This was actually said).
So needless to say I haven't been happy. I'm used to being in charge, not having to justify my ability to work independently, and with a supportive staff around me. When this is removed, I get grumpy. But then this week occured.
While my problems with my boss haven't disappeared, this week has been crazy awesome.
Tuesday. I wake up an hour early to go to a meeting at 8 am (an hour before I'm usually at work), at which I sit for 2 hours in a most uncomfortable chair, choking down stale coffee that had to have been made with what I can only guess was sea turtle feces. This was OK though. I was there for a reason. I had a purpose. I was going to present my plan for the city to reduce their landfill waste by 40%, and then watch as it was shot down simultaneously by the 11 members of the Charleston Green Committee, and all the representatives of the County Green Ribbon Committee. What plan am I speaking of? See the post before this one.
But what happened? I met a representative from the county waste management. She is completely for my plan, and we are meeting to discuss how to proceed with it. Furthermore, she told me that while most of the county is actually against any such proposal, their balls are in the metaphorical vice. The landfills are full, the incinerator is, let's face it, a dying technology, building new landfills is going to be expensive and politically infeasible, and--most excitingly--the EPA has contracted with Charleston to use them as one of 10 test cities to install a "Cost to Toss" initiative on waste management. In other words, my plan is going to look a whole hell of a lot better than the alternatives. Also I may have found funding for a student's $350,000 project to get an on-sight composter.
Pumped from this meeting I gathered all my information and sent it to my beautiful pledge wife Bel, who is in charge of the Boiler Green Initiative. They are now looking into implementing something at Purdue. THEN I placed all of my research on scribd.com, which I'm in love with, and after 2 days I already had just shy of 100 views. I've created my own little composting clearing house.
So that day was enough to make my week, but God said "NO! You shall have more!"
Today I go to this meeting with a man named Mark Bryan. He wants the college's help in expanding this after school music program for disadvantaged kids. Turns out Mark Bryan is the lead guitarist for Hootie and the Blowfish. I don't care if its not 1997 anymore. It was sweet.
Finally I get to dogsit this weekend. That means more cash for me (always welcome when you make 3.50 an hour), and I finally have an awesome dog in the house. Funny enough, each dog is approximately exponentially larger than the dog before her. Mine is the biggest. The dog's awesomeness follows the exact same scale. Which means my dog is 16 times more awesome than the smallest dog in my house.
Life is good.
P.S. More on scribd. So if I wanted to back up my important files I would first save all my pictures, followed by all my documents. Finally my home videos and then maybe some install files. People pay for a monthly subscription to server companies to be able to back up these files. With scribd and picassa, why would you ever do that?
P.P.S. I bought a scale last week. I've lost 13 pounds since I moved here. Poverty rocks!
But even if she is going to try to run me as a worker bee, she would have to give me tasks, right? Nope, that's not the case either.
A sample conversation:
Me: Stef. All of my projects are done. My next big project I can't work on until mid-November. What do you believe this office needs that I can work towards improving.
Stef: I have so much work I don't know what to do. I'm so busy that I can't give you any guidance or work to do, because that would take too much time. (This was actually said).
So needless to say I haven't been happy. I'm used to being in charge, not having to justify my ability to work independently, and with a supportive staff around me. When this is removed, I get grumpy. But then this week occured.
While my problems with my boss haven't disappeared, this week has been crazy awesome.
Tuesday. I wake up an hour early to go to a meeting at 8 am (an hour before I'm usually at work), at which I sit for 2 hours in a most uncomfortable chair, choking down stale coffee that had to have been made with what I can only guess was sea turtle feces. This was OK though. I was there for a reason. I had a purpose. I was going to present my plan for the city to reduce their landfill waste by 40%, and then watch as it was shot down simultaneously by the 11 members of the Charleston Green Committee, and all the representatives of the County Green Ribbon Committee. What plan am I speaking of? See the post before this one.
But what happened? I met a representative from the county waste management. She is completely for my plan, and we are meeting to discuss how to proceed with it. Furthermore, she told me that while most of the county is actually against any such proposal, their balls are in the metaphorical vice. The landfills are full, the incinerator is, let's face it, a dying technology, building new landfills is going to be expensive and politically infeasible, and--most excitingly--the EPA has contracted with Charleston to use them as one of 10 test cities to install a "Cost to Toss" initiative on waste management. In other words, my plan is going to look a whole hell of a lot better than the alternatives. Also I may have found funding for a student's $350,000 project to get an on-sight composter.
Pumped from this meeting I gathered all my information and sent it to my beautiful pledge wife Bel, who is in charge of the Boiler Green Initiative. They are now looking into implementing something at Purdue. THEN I placed all of my research on scribd.com, which I'm in love with, and after 2 days I already had just shy of 100 views. I've created my own little composting clearing house.
So that day was enough to make my week, but God said "NO! You shall have more!"
Today I go to this meeting with a man named Mark Bryan. He wants the college's help in expanding this after school music program for disadvantaged kids. Turns out Mark Bryan is the lead guitarist for Hootie and the Blowfish. I don't care if its not 1997 anymore. It was sweet.
Finally I get to dogsit this weekend. That means more cash for me (always welcome when you make 3.50 an hour), and I finally have an awesome dog in the house. Funny enough, each dog is approximately exponentially larger than the dog before her. Mine is the biggest. The dog's awesomeness follows the exact same scale. Which means my dog is 16 times more awesome than the smallest dog in my house.
Life is good.
P.S. More on scribd. So if I wanted to back up my important files I would first save all my pictures, followed by all my documents. Finally my home videos and then maybe some install files. People pay for a monthly subscription to server companies to be able to back up these files. With scribd and picassa, why would you ever do that?
P.P.S. I bought a scale last week. I've lost 13 pounds since I moved here. Poverty rocks!
My plan
Awhile ago I outlined a student's plan to reduce the college's waste. When I found it hard to get the approximately $1.2 million to fully fund the program, I hit upon a new idea.
What if, instead of $1.2 million to reduce the college's waste, we use $9 million to install a city wide composting plan. While it may cost 9 times the original amount, per capita it's much cheaper. I am really proud of this because it was an entirely original idea. True, it turns out San Francisco has implemented a program entailing almost everything I thought of, and then some, but that doesn't mean my thought wasn't entirely original since I had never read of San Francisco's plan--nor any city wide composting plan--before my idea. So whatever, I'm proud of it.
So anyway, the plan.
You know how you have trash and recycling pick up at your door (or at least here in Charleston we do)? Well what if you had a 3rd bin, for compostable items--which is 40% of all our waste. Instead of having all that waste hit landfills, where it produces methane due to anaerobic decomposition, or being incinerated where it shoots mercury into the air, we can decompose it rather quickly, turning it into rich soil nutrients.
Of course that's a lot of compost being produce. Literally thousands of tons. Which means we can sell it and possibly make money off the whole enterprise, reducing citizen's taxes. It would also help out local farmers and reduce the amount of liquid fertilizer entering the water stream.
In my mind this presentation would have been a lot more breathtaking. I think if this was implemented it would do a world of good though.
What if, instead of $1.2 million to reduce the college's waste, we use $9 million to install a city wide composting plan. While it may cost 9 times the original amount, per capita it's much cheaper. I am really proud of this because it was an entirely original idea. True, it turns out San Francisco has implemented a program entailing almost everything I thought of, and then some, but that doesn't mean my thought wasn't entirely original since I had never read of San Francisco's plan--nor any city wide composting plan--before my idea. So whatever, I'm proud of it.
So anyway, the plan.
You know how you have trash and recycling pick up at your door (or at least here in Charleston we do)? Well what if you had a 3rd bin, for compostable items--which is 40% of all our waste. Instead of having all that waste hit landfills, where it produces methane due to anaerobic decomposition, or being incinerated where it shoots mercury into the air, we can decompose it rather quickly, turning it into rich soil nutrients.
Of course that's a lot of compost being produce. Literally thousands of tons. Which means we can sell it and possibly make money off the whole enterprise, reducing citizen's taxes. It would also help out local farmers and reduce the amount of liquid fertilizer entering the water stream.
In my mind this presentation would have been a lot more breathtaking. I think if this was implemented it would do a world of good though.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Bucket List
It's been forming in my head for awhile. I don't want to develop brain crack, so here you go:
1. The obligatory one. Ask me if you don't understand. I'm trying to keep this one SFW.
2. Ride in a blimp!
3. Visit Petra.
4. Be published. For something someone would actually read.
5. Design my own home. Have a composting toilet. in it. Not one of the ones on the market though. I want one that uses compressed air (generated from windmills) to shoot the waste through piping to a composting machine 500 yards from my house, conveniently located next to my garden.
NO!! Even better! One that packages the waste into rockets. Once a day a rocket is blasted from the roof of my house to a field 1/4 a mile away, where it explodes over a composting field. How fucking cool would that be?
6. Successfully form a secret society. Control a government. Not necessarily the government. Any government will do, even if its just a small town. Scotch will be involved in the ceremonies.
7. Fight an insurrection. I'm not unpatriotic, I'll go to a different country to help out. Kind of like Hemingway in Spain only, you know, not.
8. Live carbon free. This is a slow process, but I'm getting there. My gas consumption is down to about $25 - $30 a month, less hot water is being used in my home (by me anyway--my roommates like to run the AC at 74 degrees with the door open), and I'm working towards helping the city reduce it's carbon foot print. If my plan works out, I'll be a shoo-in for grad schools nationwide...It probably won't work, but a guy can dream.
9. Hike across Ireland, Scotland, the Appalachian Trail, or New Zealand.
10. Start a nonprofit agency.
11. Be buried directly in the ground with no casket. I don't like the idea of my body just staying there, somewhat preserved, for centuries on end. I don't really dislike it--it's just a body. Donate it to a necrophiliac group for all I care, at least some use will be gotten out of it. My point is that its wasteful to preserve bodies. Put me directly in the ground, dump some soil on me, and plant a fruit tree on top. I want my Great Grandchildren to talk about how good Grandpa Neil's apple pie is, without realizing the irony of Grandpa Neil being IN the apple pie, in a matter of speaking. The body farm is a good alternative too.
When you think about it, wouldn't it be cool if more famous Americans donated their bodies to the body farm? Think about the headlines:
"Gerald Ford, dead at 93. He served his country honorably. And because of him we now know how flesh decays while being submerged in peat moss."
1. The obligatory one. Ask me if you don't understand. I'm trying to keep this one SFW.
2. Ride in a blimp!
3. Visit Petra.
4. Be published. For something someone would actually read.
5. Design my own home. Have a composting toilet. in it. Not one of the ones on the market though. I want one that uses compressed air (generated from windmills) to shoot the waste through piping to a composting machine 500 yards from my house, conveniently located next to my garden.
NO!! Even better! One that packages the waste into rockets. Once a day a rocket is blasted from the roof of my house to a field 1/4 a mile away, where it explodes over a composting field. How fucking cool would that be?
6. Successfully form a secret society. Control a government. Not necessarily the government. Any government will do, even if its just a small town. Scotch will be involved in the ceremonies.
7. Fight an insurrection. I'm not unpatriotic, I'll go to a different country to help out. Kind of like Hemingway in Spain only, you know, not.
8. Live carbon free. This is a slow process, but I'm getting there. My gas consumption is down to about $25 - $30 a month, less hot water is being used in my home (by me anyway--my roommates like to run the AC at 74 degrees with the door open), and I'm working towards helping the city reduce it's carbon foot print. If my plan works out, I'll be a shoo-in for grad schools nationwide...It probably won't work, but a guy can dream.
9. Hike across Ireland, Scotland, the Appalachian Trail, or New Zealand.
10. Start a nonprofit agency.
11. Be buried directly in the ground with no casket. I don't like the idea of my body just staying there, somewhat preserved, for centuries on end. I don't really dislike it--it's just a body. Donate it to a necrophiliac group for all I care, at least some use will be gotten out of it. My point is that its wasteful to preserve bodies. Put me directly in the ground, dump some soil on me, and plant a fruit tree on top. I want my Great Grandchildren to talk about how good Grandpa Neil's apple pie is, without realizing the irony of Grandpa Neil being IN the apple pie, in a matter of speaking. The body farm is a good alternative too.
When you think about it, wouldn't it be cool if more famous Americans donated their bodies to the body farm? Think about the headlines:
"Gerald Ford, dead at 93. He served his country honorably. And because of him we now know how flesh decays while being submerged in peat moss."
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Wow
I do believe, that when our generation looks back on our lives 50, 60 years hence, we will see these last 2 weeks as the most pivotal in our lives (nationally speaking that is). The amount of events that are occurring in our nation, and the breakneck speed at which they are developing, is completely unprecedented. Furthermore, the events themselves are not petty matters, but some of the most important developments in decades upon decades. I wanted to just give a rundown of newspaper headlines for the last 2 weeks--most of them from just the last few days!
House Rejects $700 Billion Bailout
Dow Falls Record 778 Points; Stocks Lose $1.2 Trillion
Banking Consolidation Continues as Citigroup Buys Wachovia
Prosecutors Subpoena Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae
Mukasey Appoints Special Prosecutor for US Attorneys Scandal
Ex-CIA Executive Director Pleads Guilty to Wire Fraud
Immigration Agents Arrest 1,100 in California
GOP Concern Growing Over Selection of Palin
Olmert: Israel Should Withdraw from Most of West Bank & Golan Heights
US Suspends Trade Benefits to Bolivia
More job cuts loom as economy slows
US-India nuclear deal set to face final hurdle
Pakistani Officials Say at Least 6 Killed in US Drone Strike
Heavy Tiger rebel casualties in Sri Lanka fighting: ministry
Report Implicates White House in Prosecutor Firings, Officials Say
Iraq remains 'locked in conflict'
Woman in cow costume arrested (Note: I was getting depressed with these headlines)
Troubling times folks.
A Note of Respect
After criticizing Palin wholeheartedly, I do want to be fair and point out her moments of bravery. From a USA Today article:
Palin also said that she doesn't believe that the media's coverage of her has been sexist. "It would be sexist if the media were to hold back and not ask me about my experience, my vision, my principles, my values," said Palin, Alaska's governor.
Agreed, and thank you for being the one to say it when your party and the media won't.
House Rejects $700 Billion Bailout
Dow Falls Record 778 Points; Stocks Lose $1.2 Trillion
Banking Consolidation Continues as Citigroup Buys Wachovia
Prosecutors Subpoena Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae
Mukasey Appoints Special Prosecutor for US Attorneys Scandal
Ex-CIA Executive Director Pleads Guilty to Wire Fraud
Immigration Agents Arrest 1,100 in California
GOP Concern Growing Over Selection of Palin
Olmert: Israel Should Withdraw from Most of West Bank & Golan Heights
US Suspends Trade Benefits to Bolivia
More job cuts loom as economy slows
US-India nuclear deal set to face final hurdle
Pakistani Officials Say at Least 6 Killed in US Drone Strike
Heavy Tiger rebel casualties in Sri Lanka fighting: ministry
Report Implicates White House in Prosecutor Firings, Officials Say
Iraq remains 'locked in conflict'
Woman in cow costume arrested (Note: I was getting depressed with these headlines)
Troubling times folks.
A Note of Respect
After criticizing Palin wholeheartedly, I do want to be fair and point out her moments of bravery. From a USA Today article:
Palin also said that she doesn't believe that the media's coverage of her has been sexist. "It would be sexist if the media were to hold back and not ask me about my experience, my vision, my principles, my values," said Palin, Alaska's governor.
Agreed, and thank you for being the one to say it when your party and the media won't.
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