A day in the park.

"Welcome, fans, to the start of preseason football, here in Madison Park. As many of you fans may remember, last year's finals saw one hell of an upset after 12 years of NFC domination. The NFC has regrouped, however, and are looking to show that last year's upset was a fluke that will not be repeated."

"Right you are Fred. It doesn't look good for the NFC, however. After last season the AFC's recruiting power was unlike anything they had seen in years. After some brutal negotiations, they scored a star quarterback. Though largely untested after only playing 2 years in College, the AFC is betting that youth will trump experience in this year's play-offs. And I've seen enough sports movies to tell you that youth always triumphs over will."

"And both teams are taking the field, Will. Now astute fans watching right now may notice something odd about both teams--"

"If I'm not mistaken, both sides are missing a number of key players."

"That's right Will. In a surprise maneuver, neither team wants a full roster before the regular season starts. They believe by denying the other side a full enemy, they will not be able to formulate a good defense."

"That is an interesting strategy, Fred. One could argue that the earlier you have a full team, the earlier you can develop a cohesive offense to dominate the game."

"Yes, one could argue that."



"Both sides are lining up at the line of scrimmage. There appears to be some confusion on the AFC side. It appears that Clinton is trying to take the field as quarterback. There's some chatting going on...and yes, Obama is back in position."

"Not so fast there Fred, Hillary is coming back on the field. This time with her husband in toe. Both are now trying to convince Obama to let all three of them play Quarterback."

"It looks like Coach Howard is sorting out the confusion...and yes! Obama is still the quarterback."

"On the other side of the line, McCain is trying to get the Ref to allow all three on the field."

"He won't have much time to do that, Fred. And here's the snap! Obama fades back looking for an open spot. Gore is running down the sidelines, clearly open. Obama fakes to Gore. Oh! Dodges a nasty attempt by a linebacker...And then throws it to an oil lobbyist."

"Risky move, that one, Fred. A lot of Obama's strength before this season began was based on his ability to withstand that tough blocking on the side of the NFC. It seems this one got through though."

"The NFC now has possession of the ball. The snap to McCain. He hands it off to Military. Gain of 5 yards!"

"The NFC is in a good position now. Making headway into AFC territory. What's that going on the field?"

"It appears McCain is walking off the field. Any report on that Fred?"

"Arthritis, Will. There is a storm front coming, and, as Coach Bush put it 'His shuckin' knee is a actin' up.'"

"Tough break for the NFC. Without a Quarterback it looks like they will have to--"

"What is this! It looks like Lieberman is tearing off his jersey and running across the scrimage line. Yes, yes I think he is switching sides! No, no he's not putting on an NFC jersey. He's actually playing skins now, but taking queues from both sides. He is now dry-humping McCain's knee back to life."

"It's appeared to have worked, Fred, as McCain is coming back, waiving to the crowd from his waist."

"As we end the first quarter, Obama is going to have to find some quick replacements from the bench to shore up his defense."

"Not a problem, whatever the fuck your name is (i'm too lazy). Eisenhower, Moseley, Anderson, Chafee, Nixon (Julie), Leach, and Hagel are rushing the field to fill in Lieberman's hole."

"And that will wrap up the end of the first quarter, with both remaining even on the field. No territory gained or loss, except for Paul's phantom game off to the sidelines, in which he has killed both referees, and abolished yard markers and end zones. Stick around for the start of the second quarter after this quick commercial break."