No one fucks with my food stamps.

Ok, so many people want to know about my mugging experience. Yes, I did get mugged. No, I'm not hurt, except for a bruise and cut under my eye, and a few slightly loose teeth that I'm told will firm back up in a few days.

How it happened.

So there I was, knee deep. I had decided that since the weather was a beautiful 72 degrees, low humidity, I would go for an extended bike ride. There is a quite nice bike trail that runs for about 10 miles near the edge of Charleston. At about mile 7, 2 men stopped me to ask me a question. When I asked them to repeat their question, they started punching me while yelling "Give me your money." One of them, who I later found out was named Marcus, grabbed my back pack. The other--something with a "J" whom we'll call James, grabbed my wallet and took off.

Now you know how you're supposed to have a "flight-or-fight" response? I have neither. I have a "Stare blankly questioning if you are really getting mugged on a fucking bike trail?" response. Once I kind of woke up, I realized that they had my damn wallet and backpack! There was no way I wasn't getting them back. I took off after them. Not on my bike, mind you. No, that would've been intelligent. I took off on foot after them. It was good that I did decide to go after them, as about a quarter of a mile later there was a woman by herself coming up the trail. I believe if I hadn't been chasing after the two muggers, that woman probably would've been next.

After a little bit of running, the two assholes dropped my backpack and wallet. I looked inside and notice my cellphone was gone, as was everything in the cash pocket of my wallet, and one of my credit cards. Here's how poor of a choice these two made in mugging me. The cash in my wallet totaled $1. The credit card they grabbed? It was my food stamps card that: a. needed a passcode to use, and b. only had $6 on it. They really chose the wrong person to rob. However, they did have my cell phone (which I may add, didn't have a sim card, and hence also useless).

Back to the chase. Yeah they still have my cell phone, so I'm still running after them. Up ahead there are 3 men on bikes coming up the trail towards us. When the two muggers see this, they take off across the yards of a housing complex next to the trail. I stop the 3 bikers, and start explaining what happened. As soon as I said "mugged," one of the men I stopped took off after them on his bike. It turns out he was a retired cop. One of the other men is a district attorney. He called dispatch and got a squad car to come out pronto. Ten minutes later, both perps are sitting in the back of a squad car, and I'm writing down my statement.

One of the offenders, Marcus, had an outstanding warrant for armed robbery. So maybe it was a bad idea to chase after him. The other guy, James? He had gotten out of jail the day before.

Considering the warrant and probation status of both of them, it looks like they won't be getting a slap on the wrist, but a pretty harsh sentence. The bond hearing was this morning. It was set at $40,000 in cash, which neither will have.


And that's that! I never got my food stamps card back, and sometime during the chase my camera fell out of my backpack. That camera had all my inauguration pictures, so I'm a little sad about that. However, I'm safe, have my money and phone, and a good story. So all is well :).