The first means you believe the person(s) you are addressing is such an idiot that the knowledge you are about to share is much too complicated for his or her infinitesimal brain and therefore you are watering it down to a level suitable to your ape-like intellect:
'Basically, you mentally deficient chipmunk, Citizen Kane is about a newspaper man and his sled.' No, its simultaneously a tribute and criticism to the life of William Randolph Hearst; and it's a testimony to the way money and power can slowly degrade a man's soul, until that person would be unrecognizable to the young child he once was. See? That wasn't that hard. And not one use of the word 'basically.'
The second way, is it's used in the vastly more irritating manner of saying "basically" and then detailing everything you needed to say anyway. 'Basically, a wormhole is as a hypothetical topological feature of spacetime that is fundamentally a 'shortcut' through space and time, which can be viewed as a 2D surface that, when 'folded' over..." [editor's note: That's from wikipedia. Like I know what the fuck a wormhole is, other than that cool open-y thing on Deep Space Nine.] That's not a basic description, is it?
2. The word 'pickle.' Try to say it without sounding like a pedophile.
3.
4. Celebrity filled tribute concerts. Instead of using a small city's worth of electricity in your concert meant to 'save the rainforest,' whatevertf that means, how 'bout you go out and plant a tree? Or use the MILLIONS of dollars it took to put on that concert, and buy a tract of rainforest that you can actually protect. You're raising awareness? Raise this [editor's note: I just grabbed my crotch.]
5. The phrase "Apples to Oranges," meaning 'incomparable." Since when has the english language become so confined that you can't compare apples to oranges?
Apples are a red, green, or yellow fruit with a thin, crisp skin, and an inside, or 'meat,' that is sweet, slightly grainy, and dry in comparison to oranges. Also they can be made into pies. Oranges, my friends, are an orange [or reddish yellow, if you are going to make an argument against tautology] colored citrus fruit with a very thick skin and a meat that is watery, cellular, and a bit tart. If you try to make these into pies, you'll get a disgusting slop. However if you squeeze a peeled orange over a bottle, you get a delicious juice. Squeeze an apple over said bottle, you get strained fingers.
Apples and Oranges = Compared.
6. People who defend Michael Bay with "he knows how to shoot an action scene." Yeah? So do these guys:
7. Michael Bay. God help me if you get your grubby little mitts on a Thundercats or Zelda script. You stay the fuck away from Link, do you hear me??
8. People who are famous for no discernable reason. No I'm not talking about the Paris Hiltons of the world. She has a reason--she's a trampy ho bag at whose grotesqueness we can stare for hours. Man that was a poorly constructed sentence. Anyway, no I'm talking about people whose names I don't even recognize until they are hosting SNL, or in the news for some stupid comment they made that has made everyone's panties bunch up. I'm talking to you, Perez Hilton and Zac Efron.
9. People who casually use the phrase "honestly" or "to be honest with you." You either are implying you are normally a pathological liar, e.g. this guy:
Or you sound like a salesman.
"Usually I'm a sack of shit, Neil, but today I wanted to give you a really special deal. The Firestone Tires credit card will save you $50 on this purchase, and--now remember most things that come out of my mouth are libelous filth, but not today--it's really about your financial security."
10. Improper use of quotation marks. At a store I once worked at, there was a sign that said:
"Fresh" Limes.
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