My life as an adult...kind of...

God Damn do I hate it, but line dancing is the coolest hobby in the world

2011-07-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

A few thoughts on line dancing. I want to expand this into an essay later, but some thoughts that struck me when I saw a brief clip of linedancing on Top Gear.

One of the hosts (all British) is at an American Line dancing bar. You could tell this type of dancing is a genuine, embarrasing surprise to him. However that very foreignness that he felt belies the fact that line dancing is almost entirely unique in the modern world. It is a relic of history and a unique Americanness of an not--quite-dead past.

Line dancing started in the same cultural tradition
-LIke old formal dances of the 17th and 18th century, married with the informal community of civil war era, throw in some farming hickness, but make it wildly popular to a small but very vibrant young crowd.

This is what happens when you listen to too much of the Bugle.

2010-08-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

I was recently lying in bed with my girlfriend, talking about friends' upcoming weddings, and how silly it is to go through all that rigamarole. I stated that I wanted my wedding on a boat, with 1/4th of a stringed quartet playing all the music. The price would be lower and the setting memorable.

My girlfriend groggily asked "What are you talking about?"

"A boat and cost cellos." I replied.

"Please don't start this again." she groaned.

"What do you mean its too dangerous? Low rails? Hardly. The setting is perfect, and I already know what cuisine we'll have. We'll have soup prepared by the finest kosher chefs. That's right, Three Stew-Jews."

"Make it stop." She yelled into her pillow.

"We can't have just soup you say? Oh! Liver! with lots of Salts, man. We can't have an open bar of course. All that liquor will make your aunt Wilder and Pry her off the single men will be a full time job."

At this point my girlfriend just stopped responding.

"Are you Cross? Be Hope-ful. We'll have a great wedding yet. If anything, your anger is really missing the Marks. Brother!"

I'm only allowed to listen to The Bugle once a week now.

Wine, Goddammit

2009-12-14T21:39:00.000-08:00

I feel I've made a radical transformation in the last half year. I've become collected, calm, assured. Not the assuredness I carried 2 years ago (Jebus, really?), which was a cockiness built on momentary greatness, but one that is a comfortableness in my current phase in life. And I hate it. I hate that I'm happy. I hate that when I feel the most productive, the most in tune with nature, with the world, with that inner poet, is when I am the most morose, the most despondent. In my happiness I have the tools to take on the world. In my sadness I have the will. The two never come together.

A Response to "The Story of Cap-and-Trade"

2009-12-06T17:41:00.001-08:00

While Grist did it better, I thought I should give my own thoughts to this silly little video (response not edited for grammar or spelling whatsoever).

Despite my position as an advocate for the current climate change/clean energy legislation in the Senate, I, like many on this list-serv, have problems with the legislation as written. One would have to be quite blind not to see that there aren't many inherent weaknesses in this bill that will need to be addressed--whether that be during the senate debate over this bill, or in subsequent legislation to strengthen the US's response to global warming. I've heard much about this cartoon "The Story of Cap and Trade," and considering Annie Leonard's great work in Story of Stuff, I was expecting a thoughtful contribution to the discussion over this legislation, and perhaps some concrete ideas on how to improve the senate's efforts.

To my dismay, Miss Leonard's criticisms on the current bill are either so vague as to be discounted entirely, or completely off base.

Claim 1 (at about 1:05 in the video): She starts the cartoon with perhaps the most asinine argument of the whole video: carbon markets are bad, and are a nefarious scheme of financial demons. Paraphrased: Enron and Goldman Sachs designed cap-and-trade, and are making huge claims to lure your "everyone and their grandmother in" and then are going to burst this new economic bubble and ruin us all.

First off--where are her sources that Goldman Sachs and Enron designed this program? Enron certainly pushed (in the early 90's) for deregulating energy markets, and had a big hand in decoupling a lot of energy commodities from the producers in order to make them a tradeable commodity. Part of that deregulation they abused to the great horror of this nation. Part of that decoupling has produced enormous gains in energy efficiency throughout California. NONE of this has anything to do with the current legislation, nor has Enron, an essentially defunct corporation--had a hand in authoring current climate change legislation. Goldman Sachs is certainly researching how to trade on any new carbon market--just as they did in with the Sulfur Dioxide market in the 90's (which worked quite well)--because that's what banks do. Their research into it doesn't somehow mean that they are a creating a nefarious plot on the backs of climate legislation to screw over grandma. Her entire first argument seems to be to throw around scare words--enron, goldman sachs, scam, subprime mortgages, market--wave her hands suggestively, and voila carbon trading is bad. In fact her whole first argument seems to be just an implied idea that markets in general are bad, despite the hundreds of stable, well policed commodity markets we have in the U.S. and around the world. Or is somehow a market for carbon uniquely bad compared to other markets? The best line in this argument is "...creating a $3 trillion dollar bubble. But when this one bursts, it won't just take down our stock portfolios, it could take down everything." How? And where is the proof that this commodity market is inherently inclined to burst? Her argument in this sector, and throughout the cartoon, is to call cap-and-trade a racket or scam, without truly explaining how it is, in fact, a racket or a scam. But hey, repeat the words enough and they must be true.

Claim 2: (Summarily) Cap-and-Trade didn't work in Europe:

Except that it did. The market in Europe had a rocky start--no one can deny that. Any America's will probably have a rocky start too. Almost any new system will. Still, carbon output in Europe is down between 3 and 5% (depending on the source) or about 100 billion tons a year.

Claim 3 (about minute 4:00): Permit giveaways are bad and (implied) are only benefiting the polluters.

Yes, permit giveaways are bad from a pure standpoint of bringing down carbon production. However one of the reasons many of the permits have been given away has been to keep energy prices stable (a thing that Ms. Leonard herself seems to want). In the Waxman-Markey bill, 80% of the permits given away are for consumer and public protection. The other 20%? Pretty much corporate giveaways that really shouldn't be tolerated. You can argue all you want over whether or not permits should be given away, and how much these giveaways really protect consumers. In fact, I'll probably side with the idea that we shouldn't give them away 90% of the time. However, don't mischaracterize these give-aways as nefarious plots and schemes by goldman sachs and corporate polluters. Except for that othe 20%...criticize that all you want.

Through all this, she criticizes that energy prices went up under cap-and-trade in Europe. Keep that in mind when she explore her solutions.

Where her argument should be--and the truth of the matter is--is that the giveaways that are bad are the result of a very powerful, very well connected oil, coal, and energy industry. Scrapping this bill and starting anew will do nothing to reduce these industries power. Any bill we produce is going to be weakened, watered down by industries that have near complete access to our legislators. If a weakened bill means we shouldn't pass anything then we are never going to pass a bill. It seems like a bitter pill to swallow, and one that Miss Leonard refuses. However that refusal will mean we will never have climate change legislation. A better tactic is to pass the strongest possible bill, and as soon as that is passed start working towards strengthening it with new legislation, new amendments.

Claim 4 (min 4:45). We should sell those permits and put the money to work to stop climate change.

I don't have an argument against the idea of selling the permits. What I have a problem with is her implication that giving away permits raised energy prices (bad) and lined the pockets of carbon-traders (bad). Instead we should sell the permits...which will somehow not raise energy prices like the giveaways did, and won't raise a profit for the carbon traders. Selling permits will give a greater jumpstart to carbon reduction, but won't solve any of investment problems she's announced. And her other legislative proposals (such as cap and dividend), while quite good ideas, are still subject to that powerful oil, coal, and energy lobby from above. They would be weakened just like our cap-and-trade legislation. The problem isn't inherent in cap-and-trade, as she seems to imply, but in our political system.

Claim 5 (min 6:45ish): Offsets are bad.

Annie Leonard isn't the only one I know to use this line of argument. She takes anecdotal evidence of abuse (and there will be abuse--just like there is abuse in any system, no matter how perfect), and conflates these anecdotes with offsets in general, and then claims offsets as a whole are bad. I know of a man whose car was hit by a train. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, was thrown from the car and lived. The rest of the passengers in the car perished. Does this mean seatbelts are bad? Of course not. His story was unique and can't be applied to the whole system. In reality, the idea of offsets, and the system that will be created to utilize them, is extremely complex. There will be abuses, but there will be a lot of gains. A lot of the success or failure of offsets will rely on the stringency of legislation governing offsets (which in Waxman-Markey are suprisingly stringent) and the development and implementation of technology to govern the offsets. Due to satellite imagine, and desktop programs like Google Earth, the ability to monitor offset programs (such as forest preservation in Brazil) has made leaps and bounds in the last few years, and is well suited to effectively monitor most type of offset programs. Abuses will slip through the cracks, and some of those abuses will be quite bad, but that does not make the entire system bad or cap-and-trade meaningless.

Claim 6 (Minute 7:10): Cap-and-trade distracts from 'real solutions.'

What solutions where? To be fair, there are of course many solutions out there. But Ms. Leonard just decries this 'distraction' and then fails to point out any 'real solution' in her final argument. She does mention a cap, but doesn't point out how a cap is more or less effective then CAP-and-trade.

"We are not even close to a global cap on carbon to begin with, and duh, that is the whole point of cap-and trade." Global cap: no. National cap? Yes (albeit one that needs to be stronger). And the whole point of cap and trade isn't to figure out a global cap, its to implement a system that, once the cap is establish, can work towards reaching that goal.

"We don't need to let these guys design the solution. We, us, our governments can make the laws ourselves." Again, how is this different than what has happened? Did not the bills she is criticizing come from the legislative process (nefarious Goldman Sachs implications aside)? How will some other bill (cap and dividend, carbon tax, whatever) come through the legislative process fully strong and ready to fight pollution?

[paraphrased]"The EPA can regulate carbon. Go EPA Go!" The EPA is part of the executive branch, is meant to execute laws on the books, and is subject to change in the way it executes laws based on the administration in power. Personally, I'd rather have laws in place that mandate that carbon be reduced, rather then letting a branch of the executive power decided how and when it should regulate carbon. Remember how effective the EPA was under Bush? ACES did remove the power of the EPA to regulate carbon. That was unfortunate, and should be changed. Guess what? The senate bill restores their power.

“Cap-and-trade makes citizens think everything will be OK if we just drive a little less, change our light bulbs, and let These Guys do the rest.” I'm at a loss as to how anyone could possibly claim this. I wish I could make a more coherent argument, but this quote is absolutely asinine and befuddling. Does she have any sources to back up this wild claim?

The real problem with the bill on the table is that our legislative process is incredibly complex, often at the whim of powerful interest groups, and is full of legislators who are, quite simply, idiots (Inhofe anyone?). However, scrapping the current legislation won't change any of that. If Miss Leonard were to make a cartoon taking on this problem, the real problem, I would probably be completely behind her. Instead she sees problems with cap-and-trade, problems that most people see, exaggerates them, then surmises that there are wonderful solutions out there that we just aren't looking at. I have news for her--they have been looked at. Even the authors of these 'distracting' bills want them in place. The problem is, at this moment in time a carbon tax, or heavy carbon fees, just aren't politically possible. Instead, the authors have weakened the carbon cap, and have put a weaker mechanism in place. But while doing that, they have simultaneously:

-Mandated a Renewable energy standard--80% renewable (that's solar, wind, geothermal, hydrological stop, and biofuels) by 2050
-Mandated baseline energy efficiency standards in ALL new residential and commercial buildings
-Created HUGE tax incentives to weatherize homes and businesses.
-Set aside $30 billion to create a modern, efficient, electrical 'super' grid. This number is only set to grow with the subsequent sale of carbon permits (yes, carbon permits are to be sold, just after the initial giveaway).

All these programs--especially the supergrid and the renewable energy standards--would seem to be 'real' solutions to our crisis, yes Miss Leonard misses that these components are in the very bill she dismisses.

Thank you for taking the time to read this very long response.

Sincerely,

N

This is how we scam you.

2009-07-10T06:50:00.001-07:00

You know what's been bothering me for the past few years? Three times now I've been contacted by an African prince, or an African bank executive, with the promise of untold riches.

Thrice I've been bilked out of my entire savings, and the princes have YET to contact me!

Well, I hope those bastards fall for this! I saw it on a Somalian website:

Commercial Idea #1

2009-06-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

Scene: A guy walking through the cracker aisle at a grocery store. He stops a clerk and asks for CHEEZ-ITS. The clerk hands him CHEESE-NIPS. The customer proceeds to pummel the clerk with his shopping basket. Close-up on the customer's face. As blood splatters across his brow, he yells "NIP THIS!" Cut to the Cheez-Its logo, and the words "Cheese Nips? Go fuck yourself."

I should be an advertising executive.

2009-06-30T11:44:00.001-07:00

New Commercial Idea: A guy walking through the cracker aisle at a grocery store. He stops a clerk and asks for CHEEZ-ITS. The clerk hands him CHEESE-NIPS. The customer proceeds to pummel the clerk with his shopping basket. Close-up on the customer's face. As blood splatters across his brow, he yells "NIP THIS!" Cut to the Cheez-Its logo, and the words "Cheese Nips? Go fuck yourself."

Anyone want to film this with me?

20 Years Ago Today...

2009-06-04T13:43:00.001-07:00

Interesting

2009-06-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

Shell Oil is in a legal battle right now for murder. I've been following the case on and off--there is a lot of rhetoric on each side that is suspect at times--but it's been a fairly interesting case. And one whose ending we can probably all predict. Anyway, here's a quick mini-documentary about the circumstances of the murder. If you have 8 minutes, please check it out.

Numbers

2009-05-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

Headline today:

UN Says Sri Lankan Death Toll Too High [Note: Headline has since changed.]

Apparently the UN has an acceptable number of civilian deaths in a safety zone?

My Baby

2009-05-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

After 8 months, my city-wide composting recommendation has finally moved from subcommittee to executive committee. If the response from the subcommittee is any indication, I think it will be readily accepted by the full committee, followed by implementation of full policy.

It may be boring for most, but it's awesome to me. Here's the fruit that 8-months, and reams of research will produce:

WMR Rec WM-11 Final

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Law & Government Business & Law environmental policy composting

Words that are fun to repeat.

2009-05-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Mulch
Swum
Spiel

sigh

2009-05-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

I get exaggerating to make a story better. I do it, my friends do it, my coworkers do it...safe to say probably every does it. And I get people who embellish statistics to support their cause in an impromptu, oral argument. However, show a little respect and at least embellish within the realm of plausibility. And if you really have no idea what you are talking about whatsoever, don't talk. One more thing--if your statistics can be so easily checked as to open the daily newspaper--any daily newspaper--and see what you are saying is bullshit, then please choose another tactic.

Quotes from my boss today:

"My husband's title one school [i.e. very poor] has just atrocious drug use. Fourth graders shoot up heroin daily!"
My problems with this. One, I think if there was a school in an affluent city with 4th graders shooting up heroin daily, there would probably be at least a news report. Two, if this is true, and the teachers all know it, why isn't it being reported? Three, the freshman in this office is believing this. And four, current street price of heroin is just under $90 a gram. What 4th grader from a title one school, in piss-poor neighborhood, can afford heroin daily? Jesus, if you know nothing about drugs, don't say anything! And if you are going to make something up, at least use something plausible, like methamphetamine or crack cocaine. Really, does anyone use heroin anymore? I thought that shit died out with Kurt Cobain.

"There are knifings there daily! Daily!"
I'll suspend my disbelief that many elementary school children shiv each other daily for now. Let's look at the daily, weekly, monthly, and annual police and hospital reports for knifings, shall we?

Interesting...no reports from this or any other elementary school. There was one report from one high school in the past year. So either she's saying that all these knifings go unreported by the teachers (including her husband), or she's making this up. Again, the office workers seem to eat it up. I really hate this last part. I could deal with the...exaggerations...by simply ignoring her. But by her painting this picture that doesn't exist, and having younger students believe her, she is planting the seeds of fear of a general populace. There is already a problem with students here refusing to see any part of Charleston besides downtown Charleston and the beach. Our office is the office that's supposed to be tearing down those barriers, yet she's unintentionally building them among the very workers who are supposed to be above that.

"I grew up in a tiny town."

She lived in the suburbs of New York. Her dad worked in the city. She recently stated her parents were selling their old house for a million+ [although with her, this could be complete bullshit.] Her neighbors were Whoopi Gullberg, Kevin Bacon, and Jane Curtain. I hate people who try to build a false past to suit their needs. She only mentions her rural past if she's either talking about how she had to work hard to get ahead, explaining why she lacks a knowledge in a subject ("I never knew how to do this when I was growing up! I had to figure it out on my own! You don't learn much like this growing up in a small town!"), or to build a false sense of experience.

My entire county had a population less than 10,000, the closest actual city was 70 miles away, with only rural highways connecting us. Even the closest large town was 30 miles away. And yet I've never used that background to explain away a deficiency of mine. In fact, I don't consider it a deficiency, but a benefit to my upbringing. At the very least it allows me to differentiate myself from most people in this country. Growing up in a truly small town (and one of the poorest counties in the state) never inhibited my intellectual or personal growth. Of course I had parents that read to me, encouraged education, supported me, and I'm not trying to discount that. All I'm saying is that all things being equal (her parents also supported her), using your geographic past to dismiss shortcomings is cheap, especially with that past is a false one.

Stimulating the Economy. Cajun Style.

2009-05-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

Due to some major errors by the accounting department--such as paying people who don't exist large salaries out of my office's budget--my office has suddenly receive $12,000. Well not received...because that would imply we didn't have it to begin with. We...reclaimed $12,000. Here's the catch though. After an entire year of cutting costs like crazy, we now have less than 2 months to spend said $12,000 or--get this--our budget will be cut next year because we obviously don't need the money.

So we are stocking up on office supplies for the next 10 years. And by office supplies, I don't just mean paper and highlighters. I've ordered 3 laptops, a digital projector and screen, a scanner, and am looking for couches, conference tables, and a slew of other furniture.

That brings me up to $7,000. What to do with the next $5,000?

Today I proposed we buy:

-Office snuggies, embroidered with our logo.
-Shamwows for gift baskets to potential donors.
-Any amount of the following: OxiClean, Kaboom, Mighty Putty, the Awesome Auger, the Samurai Shark sharpener, Orange Glo, pedeggs, mighty mend-it, bedazzler, CLR, and Jupiter Jacks.

She rejected my proposal.

Great Minds think alike

2009-05-06T07:42:00.001-07:00

If one were to ask me "Neil, name the parameters to make the perfect comedy." I would naturally reply "Take the director of old school, an alum or two from the daily show or the office, Las Vegas, and comedian Zack Galifinakis. Shake well."

If you were then to press me for some details of the movie to make it absolutely perfect, I would probably say "You need livestock, a baby getting whacked in the head by a police car, and Mike Tyson dancing to a Phil Collins tune."

It's like somebody read my soul:

Fascinating

2009-05-05T07:22:00.001-07:00

I've never really followed Maine's state politics closely. Surprised, right? Yeah, for some reason some state that's not an economic, cultural, military, or political powerhouse has escaped my attention. However, as a state that is probably next in line to try to legalize gay marriage, it has become rather interesting as of late.

Most current news...Maine's Governor, who has up until recently been opposed to the legalization of gay marriage (I think), is reviewing every email, letter, and phone call sent to his office about gay marriage. Furthermore, he is contacting random opposition voices.

http://www.pamshouseblend.com/diary/10699/an-unexpected-conversation-with-the-governor

If this is true...wow. While I know this process would be infeasible as an everyday policy apparatus, kudos to Baldacci for taking the time to understand his fellow citizen's ideas on the subject, and not just his own. It's easy to talk to someone who agrees with you on the subject. It takes guts to call up random dissenters and chew the fat on a rather touchy subject.

Things I Hate.

2009-05-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

1. The word 'basically.' You can use it one of two ways:

The first means you believe the person(s) you are addressing is such an idiot that the knowledge you are about to share is much too complicated for his or her infinitesimal brain and therefore you are watering it down to a level suitable to your ape-like intellect:

'Basically, you mentally deficient chipmunk, Citizen Kane is about a newspaper man and his sled.' No, its simultaneously a tribute and criticism to the life of William Randolph Hearst; and it's a testimony to the way money and power can slowly degrade a man's soul, until that person would be unrecognizable to the young child he once was. See? That wasn't that hard. And not one use of the word 'basically.'

The second way, is it's used in the vastly more irritating manner of saying "basically" and then detailing everything you needed to say anyway. 'Basically, a wormhole is as a hypothetical topological feature of spacetime that is fundamentally a 'shortcut' through space and time, which can be viewed as a 2D surface that, when 'folded' over..." [editor's note: That's from wikipedia. Like I know what the fuck a wormhole is, other than that cool open-y thing on Deep Space Nine.] That's not a basic description, is it?

2. The word 'pickle.' Try to say it without sounding like a pedophile.

3. ~~Gary Busey.~~ Nick Nolte.

4. Celebrity filled tribute concerts. Instead of using a small city's worth of electricity in your concert meant to 'save the rainforest,' whatevertf that means, how 'bout you go out and plant a tree? Or use the MILLIONS of dollars it took to put on that concert, and buy a tract of rainforest that you can actually protect. You're raising awareness? Raise this [editor's note: I just grabbed my crotch.]

5. The phrase "Apples to Oranges," meaning 'incomparable." Since when has the english language become so confined that you can't compare apples to oranges?

Apples are a red, green, or yellow fruit with a thin, crisp skin, and an inside, or 'meat,' that is sweet, slightly grainy, and dry in comparison to oranges. Also they can be made into pies. Oranges, my friends, are an orange [or reddish yellow, if you are going to make an argument against tautology] colored citrus fruit with a very thick skin and a meat that is watery, cellular, and a bit tart. If you try to make these into pies, you'll get a disgusting slop. However if you squeeze a peeled orange over a bottle, you get a delicious juice. Squeeze an apple over said bottle, you get strained fingers.

Apples and Oranges = Compared.

6. People who defend Michael Bay with "he knows how to shoot an action scene." Yeah? So do these guys:

7. Michael Bay. God help me if you get your grubby little mitts on a Thundercats or Zelda script. You stay the fuck away from Link, do you hear me??

8. People who are famous for no discernable reason. No I'm not talking about the Paris Hiltons of the world. She has a reason--she's a trampy ho bag at whose grotesqueness we can stare for hours. Man that was a poorly constructed sentence. Anyway, no I'm talking about people whose names I don't even recognize until they are hosting SNL, or in the news for some stupid comment they made that has made everyone's panties bunch up. I'm talking to you, Perez Hilton and Zac Efron.

9. People who casually use the phrase "honestly" or "to be honest with you." You either are implying you are normally a pathological liar, e.g. this guy:
Or you sound like a salesman.

"Usually I'm a sack of shit, Neil, but today I wanted to give you a really special deal. The Firestone Tires credit card will save you $50 on this purchase, and--now remember most things that come out of my mouth are libelous filth, but not today--it's really about your financial security."

10. Improper use of quotation marks. At a store I once worked at, there was a sign that said:

"Fresh" Limes.

Stories Stories Stories!

2009-05-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

Oh man it's been an exciting week!

Ok, so there's been a big problem with my roommate--cock nuggets--turning on the AC no matter what temperature it was outside. So if it's 55 degrees, he still turns on the AC at 65. This alone is ridiculous, but think about how freaking cold 65 degrees is! Also, keep in mind he hasn't paid electricity in 2 months, so he doesn't give a shit about how much that temperature is going to cost in bills.

So yeah, its been me against him, mano e mano. He turns on the AC at night, I wait 3 minutes and turn it off. He turns it down, I turn it back up. You get the idea. I come home last night, and there is a sign posted above the thermostat. It was written by my other roommate, cookie tits. The note:

"WHOEVER TURNED ON THE HEAT IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER [editor's note: yes summer starts in May here] TO 82 DEGREES, DO IT AGAIN AND YOU NO LONGER CAN STAY HERE! ONLY NEIL IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT FROM NOW ON! IF YOU PAID ELECTRICITY, PERHAPS YOU COULD TOUCH IT. BUT SINCE YOU DON'T, GO TO HELL."

An hour later, there is a new note from cock nuggets:

"Maybe if it wasn't 90 degrees in my room I would pay rent and bills!"

Well...that's not logical. Of course I had to chime in.

"Wait...that's an option? If we aren't comfortable we don't have to pay? By that logic shouldn't you have paid as soon as you turned it down to 65 degrees? What about in February and March when you were comfortable? Why didn't you pay then? Is there anything else we can do to make you more comfortable, besides the free rent, free bills, and the food you steal?"

Cookie tits came home and of course saw what cock nuggets had wrote and, long story short, he was gone when I came home today.

But the story doesn't end there.

Sine it's hard to move everything you have in a few hours, Cookie Tits agreed that Cock Nuggets could keep his big stuff here until a truck could come to grab it. Well, wouldn't you know it a truck pulls up just a few minutes ago. However cock nuggets wasn't in it. Instead a guy comes to the door and says that cock nuggets owes him a lot of money and...while this may be weird...could I grab some of his stuff as repayment?

Well this was exactly how Michael has been (unknowingly) paying me back for the food of mine he steals. So who was I to stop this, I assume, upstanding gentlemen from taking his just payments? Why, I'll even help him look for the valuable stuff?

Turns out he keeps his stash of pot under his mattress. Who knew? Also who knew that his entire stash would be more than enough as a repayment for the money he owed to this guy?

I feel I made the world a better place today.

Michigan's woes.

2009-05-01T10:27:00.000-07:00

A few years before America's entry into WWII, and in the midst of the Great Depression, President Roosevelt started ramping up war materials production in order to supply Britain, Australia, and others as outlined by the Lend-Lease Act. To do this, he essentially told the big automakers that they were going to make some damn planes, tanks, and bombs, and he didn't want to hear any of their guff. FDR was big on using both his literal and metaphorical backside of his hand on corporations.

Fast forward a few decades, and America sees themselves in the midst of what I'm going to term for now a Great Recession. And wouldn't you know it, our President is using his backhand on GM and Chrysler like they were a bunch of coke whores failing to give us a cut of their BJ money. Except Obama's being way more of a pansy, and simply firing a CEO here, and forcing dumbass deals with Italian automakers. (Seriously...the Italians are saving us? Fuck me...).

Then we have this whole Boil Our Oceans problem going on. (Don't you think that would get more attention than 'Global Warming' and 'Climate Change?') The biggest contributor to this problem is the production of energy through fossil fuels. Sure we have the Saudi Arabia of wind in the US. And sure, with offshore windfarms most coastal (including Great Lake) states could produce 100% - 200% of their energy by wind. But we have this problem. No one really has the ability to mass produce windmills on such a scale to really make this viable yet. Also no one has the money to create the production foundation necessary to make these windmills.

I mean, where are you going to find a huge pool of labor highly trained in steelworking, machine tooling, and advanced manufacturing technology needed to make windmills on a huge scale? Why, one would need a whole city trained to do that. And a city that doesn't have such competing interests that the labor pool would be bled towards other pursuits. And you would really hundreds of factories with assembly lines designed to be flexible enough to produce new designs on an almost constant basis. Where could someone possibly find that?
...

So instead of firing CEO's, forcing poorly formed mergers, and handing out millions and millions in funds to keep the auto industry alive, even when its clear right now that no one is really interested in purchasing cars, why don't we do this:

Make the cash to GM and Chrysler available not as a bailout but as an infrastructure loan. Tell them to get this loan they are going to have to be prepared to, at least temporarily, change their product. Then with allll that money we've set aside for green training, and towards creating wind markets, start change Detroit from the Gotham its become?

Yes, there is a somewhat limited market for windmills (although not THAT limited. These things have a finite life, and markets like China, Russia, Greenland, Canada, Brazil, etc, are RIPE for wind production.), but the change doesn't have to be permanent, and can be phased back towards car production as the market dictates. Plane, tank, and bomb production wasn't a permanent features after WWII (depending on your outlook of the Military-Industrial complex), and the transition for the car manufactures back to car production was a relatively painless one.

I know this isn't a novel idea, and Michigan's Governon Granholm (or whatever her name is. I'm too lazy for wikipedia), has supported it in numerous speeches. But I really only see words right now ('We should do this!') and no federal official--Michigan can't do this on their own--stepping up to the plate.

Or maybe I'm just ignorant on plans in place to do this. If not, how do we pressure the government to move towards this? Or is this just a shitty idea?

This is the funniest picture I've ever seen on an internet ad.

2009-04-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

Oh man! After undertaking the enormous responsibility of bringing a life into this world, I never thought I may have to plan for the future! Fortunately this picture of an unattended child in the middle of a cemetery really brought home the idea that perhaps life insurance--one of the most basic of all insurance that many have from the time they are a teenager--would be a good idea. Thank you random bawling child in the middle of a cemetery. BTW, where the fuck are your legal guardians now that your parents have kicked the bucket? Or did they not plan that far ahead? Maybe they only got their parenting advice from internet ads, and thought life insurance was all that's necessary. Why are you crying anyway? You have $500,000 coming to you. Now stfu with the crying. Be a man.

Also, wear a suit to a funeral.

Do you think the people who took this picture had to punch the kid to get those lifelike tears?
I can only hope.

And when I die...

2009-04-12T13:36:00.001-07:00

I've always had two preferred ways to dispose of my mortal remains once I'm gone. One, the less preferable way, is to have my ashes shot into space. Yes, you can do it. There are companies that even have rockets (large ones too) set up at your 'burial' to put on a show. Don't believe me? Boom: http://www.memorialspaceflights.com/

The second, preferred method, is direct burial into the ground. I want some non degradable mementos buried with me, and then some sort of fruit bearing tree planted directly on top of me. That way, when my great grandkids are eating "Grandpa Neil's apple pie" they don't know how literal their actions are.

Now, thanks to Explosm, I have a third way, possibly even more preferable than the rocket method. The pirate treasure method.

Preferably a treasure map will be created and hidden in the archives of a library.

Also, I want a note hidden in the chest mocking any treasure hunter.

Other death wishes:

I want a party, a large one, as my wake.

I'm serious about the tree thing.

Purdue Galore

2009-04-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

2 weeks until my visit to Indiana, and the stars are aligning. Why do I say this? Simple.

Yesterday I was up at 8 am. That's 'sleeping in' for me now. Sad, right? Anyway, I turn on the food network, as I am oft to do, and what is on, but this!

Ok, so a good way to start the day, right? Next stop, the farmers market, which started again this weekend. Because this was the first day of the year for the market, it was PACKED. Everything I needed or wanted was sold out. What's a guy to do, but go to a used bookstore and make the most of the day. Out on the sidewalk they had tables set up with $1 books.

And I found a first edition Penrod and Sam, by Booth Tarkington. Who's Booth Tarkington, you are asking? Only the second coolest author to have a Residence Hall named after him at Purdue University! That is--this one. Who is the coolest author to have a Residence Hall named after him at Purdue, you may be asking? Robert Owen of course, for 3 reasons.

1. He termed the coin 'Dinosaur.' (I think.)
2. His dad was Robert Owen, certified badass.
3. He himself was a certified badass, as evident from his statue at Purdue. A picture of which, I can't find.

It's Easter today. No church for me, but I am going used book shopping. That counts as some sort of worship, right?

One more thing, regarding the video of the Triple XXX. Was it just me, or was the owner the worst story teller ever on TV? Surely you had some time to prepare. Hell, make up some stories, ask the customers. I sure as hell could tell you a much better story about Triple XXX.

What's that? You want to hear it?

OK.

So there I was, knee deep.

It was freshman year, and Levi, myself, and my roommate had just gone to some sort of comedy show. We decided to hit up the Triple XXX. This was before my roommate stopped bathing, so I didn't mind spending time with him.

It's about 1 am, and we had just ordered. These two drunk, older middle aged men (50 - 60) came in with their sober wives. They sat right across from me and struck up some conversation. One of them, Dave (?) struck up a conversation with everyone there. The other one, however, just stared at me. Not for a short time--no, his eyes never left me. Even his wife noticed and tried to get him to stop. No go. After about 10 uncomfortable minutes, during which I tried to ignore him, he finally yelled at me "Your parents hate you!"
Wife: "Now George, stop that!"
George: "Get that fucking thing out of your eye!"--It should be noted here that I had an eyebrow ring at the time.

I said something along the lines of my parents don't give a shit.

George: Bullshit they don't! Get that shit out of your eye or I'm going to rip it out of there for you!

By this time the restaurant was pretty quiet. Or at least as quiet as the Triple XXX gets.
He then proceeded to explain how my parents hate my eyebrow ring, and until I remove it I'll be a disgrace in their eyes.

Me: So do you have a tattoo?
George's wife: OOOH!! He's got you there!!
George: That's fucking different! My tattoo means something to me! Get that shit out of your eye right now!

He started to get up out of his chair, at which point Dave--who had been schmoozing with the customers the whole time, came over and calmed him down. It turns out the 2 couples were celebrating because Dave's wife, who had Leukemia, had just gotten her latest round of test results back. She was leukemia free. Because of her meds though, she still wasn't able to drink.

Dave bought me, then everyone in the restaurant dinner. And George, while continuing to stare at me, finally gave up his threats of 'ripping that shit out of your eye.' I avoided him on my way out, however.

Short bursts of updates

2009-04-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a longish (for a blog, anyway) essay on my generation's tendency to sublimate academic rigor into passionate reactionary tendencies. My ability to do this is being directly blocked by the internet and my need to eat meals. Until I can finish it, I thought I'd post some quick life updates.

The last few weeks have been crazy busy!

The Monday before St. Patrick's day saw my old SR, Kathleen, visiting Charleston with her little sister. We hit the town and I wasn't back in bed until 4 am. It had been a long, long time since I've done something like that. The next morning I had a meeting at 7 am. Yup, 2 hours of sleep. Also, Laila (!) came to visit that next day! She was driving to Myrtle Beach for her spring break from NASA. I got one day of peace after that, but then she stopped by on her way back in. Needless to say I was more than a bit tired, but sleep was not to be had.

Two days later I drove down to southern Georgia to visit my parents on their vacation. They came to Charleston just a few days later and wined and dined me. I finally got to try some of the culinary fare that makes Charleston the greatest American culinary destination, bar none. I've dined in most major American cities, and most of the major western countries. I've experienced escargot in Paris, and Nathan's Franks in NYC. This was the best. I can also now say I've dined in the same restaurant as George Washington once dined. It goes along with my goal of participating in the action for which an historical building was constructed. This is not often possible, but fortunately Charleston is quite an open city for this type of experience. Usually this means worshiping in historic churches, so a restaurant was a nice change of pace.

The last day my parents were here, Brandon and Amber came for a long weekend. I wish the weather was a bit better for their experience, but I'm glad they came nonetheless.

Friday we hit the town, saw an impromptu fashion show, hit all my favorite bars, and then ended up in a strip club at 3 am. I don't remember much at all of the club. I do remember their toilets were surprisingly clean. This is good when you have to hug one for an extended period of time.

Somehow I was the one too drunk to function, but Amber was the person too hungover to do anything the next day.

We saw I Love You, Man. Typical comedy, but Paul Rudd's performance is remarkable. You don't expect much dedication towards craft in a comedy like that, but...really he did a good job. It was also interesting that the comedy avoided the typical raunchiness associated with bromances. The sex jokes were pushed onto the female side characters, and the two male protagonists discussed topics of vulnerability, commitment, love. It was an interesting twist.

Right now I'm constructing a Beeker costume for my APRIL 25TH VISIT TO INDIANA!!! I-Bash, Breakfast Club, and maybe even a job interview thrown in for good measure.

This month I get an extra paycheck. While half of this has already been used to purchase my airplane ticket, and a lot will be used on my trip, I still think this means I won't have to worry as much about money this month. In May I've been offered a week of dogsitting. They pay $50 a night. That's essentially another paycheck, this time without expensive travel plans. June I have a gig that's paying 1500 in cash. July I'm done. In other words, money troubles are hopefully finished. At least until this gig ends and I'm jobless.

Speaking of which...if you know of anyone hiring for July. Let me know.

Chelsea's coming this Monday. I've been counting towards this day since January. It will honestly be the highlight of the year. Although it's her birthday while she's here. So...no pressure to show her a good time.

Law/Grad school plans still up in the air. Blech. I'm lazy. I haven't even filed/looked at my tax forms yet.

Patrick's a cockbag. No reason for saying this. I just know he reads regularly.

Hmm. Yeah ok, I think that's the end of the newsfeed.

Oh yeah! Last Friday marks the 15 week countdown until my last day. Tomorrow marks the 90 day countdown. Can you tell I'm excited. Yup. I've loved this experience, love AmeriCorps and all it represents. Hate my program.

Congratulations to ANY Vermonter who wants to get married. 46 more states to go...

Reflections

2009-03-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

I had to explain my mugging story to a group of acquaintances this past weekend. Almost every time I repeat my story, I very strategically leave out the fact that the two muggers were black. In the south, the assumption is already there, and I don't like to feed the stereotype. To be fair, I would say percentage wise, most of the semi-violent crimes in this area, in fact, committed by African Americans. That is a simple matter of statistics and can't really be disputed. What I have a problem with is that I feel many people believe that that demographic holds the majority of crimes because they are black. Even the most proudly tolerant individual will sometimes show this great depth of ignorance when it comes to racial matters. If asked, I'm sure they would say that they view all people as equal, not even recognizing that their belief in an inherent inclination towards crime is, by all means, prejudice and racist. In the South (elsewhere too, but especially here) the black neighborhoods are the poorest neighborhoods. This issue of class, of poor income distribution, is colored by race, and so in the eyes of onlookers removed intellectually and physically from these class problems, become one and the same. Go to southern Indiana, however, and these same crimes are being committed, just by poor white people.

There also seems to be a misunderstanding about the ramifications of having a black President. This misunderstanding is not limited to the South by any means, and I think has been exhibited by the media and citizenry alike. Having a black President does not mean that issues of racial inequity are now solved. This may sound like an obvious statement, but there have been numerous times that I have found people have a general attitude of "We have a black President now? Well *dusts off hands* that's that for race problems!" Ignoring, or perhaps just ignorant of, the systemic and systematic (not necessarily purposefully so as some would have you believe) stacking of odds against African Americans. Thomas Friedman even declared, one day after the 2008 elections, that "The Civil War is finally over." Implying, of course, that race problems in America are finished, and we can finally move on. I'm truly afraid that white people who have long been on the side of greater racial equality, yet may only have a tertiary commitment (I'm not judging them--I would largely include myself in this category) will adopt this view and perhaps believe their work is done.

This ignorance of the ramifications of Obama's presidency was made shockingly clear to me while I was telling my story at the cookout. One of my acquaintances there questioned me two or three times over the color of the muggers. Finally I told her that, yes, they were indeed black. Her response? "I just thought they would stop doing things like this now that Obama is President" [emphasis added]. This view on race was absolutely flabbergasting. To believe that crime among African Americans has rested solely on their political disenfranchisement; that every black person should now be compelled to live the straight and narrow; and to ignore the fact that 220 years of White presidents have not stopped white people from committing crimes. To do all of this in that one simple sentence blew my mind. Can people really be this ignorant? Can someone really have that clean cut view of the world, and to expect such easy fixes? If we have a latino president, will immigration issues stop? What about a lesbian president? Will they finally stop bothering us with all those requests for basic human rights?

What bothered me even more, is that this phrase was uttered by an extremely intelligent woman, on the verge of graduating from a well respect liberal arts institution. A person with a blessed upbringing. I've always believed that intelligence lies in one's ability to self-educate--to be able to intuit the complexity of a situation, to use past experiences and apply them to new, alien situations, and to have a natural thirst to learn more. If this woman, who is by all means incredibly intelligent, can hold such damn ignorant views, how are we to change the view of an entire people?

--------------------

Once I started thinking about the situation of my two muggers, I actually felt pity more than anything else for them. THat is not to say that I don't feel they got what they deserved--they were predators and I'm glad that they aren't on the streets. It's just that...they were both young, both with previous records. Keep in mind that your juvenile record is erased when you turn 18, so their record has been created in a very short time. Now I doubt they were perfect angels until the day they became a legal adult and suddenly turned to a life of crime. No, they most likely had a juvenile record as well, probably extending back quite far. One was from a foster home, and had a string of homes up and down the coast. Furthermore, their places of residence were listed in a very poor part of town. Both were unemployed.

These two would have a hard time finding employment anyway. The argument can be made that they have brought this upon themselves--that they chose to commit crimes after becoming adults, and to a large degree that is true. However, how employable is one person who has completed high school in juvenile detention, and one who never has been in one school more than a few months at a time? One pays for one's sins, but how just is it when those sins have roots stretching back to mere childhood?

As this economy worsens, as our society takes on more and more aspects of a true depression, how many more of these cases will we see? Everyone has to eat. If you think you are above stealing to satisfy that urge, you've never been truly hungry.

This afternoon, 3 houses across the street put up "For Sale" signs. Two were "For Sale By Owner." Even realtors won't touch the market anymore.

One interesting aspect of this recession/depression for this area. Poverty will no longer be limited to African Americans. Perhaps the next few years can change just a few attitudes.

We'll see.

No one fucks with my food stamps.

2009-03-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, so many people want to know about my mugging experience. Yes, I did get mugged. No, I'm not hurt, except for a bruise and cut under my eye, and a few slightly loose teeth that I'm told will firm back up in a few days.

How it happened.

So there I was, knee deep. I had decided that since the weather was a beautiful 72 degrees, low humidity, I would go for an extended bike ride. There is a quite nice bike trail that runs for about 10 miles near the edge of Charleston. At about mile 7, 2 men stopped me to ask me a question. When I asked them to repeat their question, they started punching me while yelling "Give me your money." One of them, who I later found out was named Marcus, grabbed my back pack. The other--something with a "J" whom we'll call James, grabbed my wallet and took off.

Now you know how you're supposed to have a "flight-or-fight" response? I have neither. I have a "Stare blankly questioning if you are really getting mugged on a fucking bike trail?" response. Once I kind of woke up, I realized that they had my damn wallet and backpack! There was no way I wasn't getting them back. I took off after them. Not on my bike, mind you. No, that would've been intelligent. I took off on foot after them. It was good that I did decide to go after them, as about a quarter of a mile later there was a woman by herself coming up the trail. I believe if I hadn't been chasing after the two muggers, that woman probably would've been next.

After a little bit of running, the two assholes dropped my backpack and wallet. I looked inside and notice my cellphone was gone, as was everything in the cash pocket of my wallet, and one of my credit cards. Here's how poor of a choice these two made in mugging me. The cash in my wallet totaled $1. The credit card they grabbed? It was my food stamps card that: a. needed a passcode to use, and b. only had $6 on it. They really chose the wrong person to rob. However, they did have my cell phone (which I may add, didn't have a sim card, and hence also useless).

Back to the chase. Yeah they still have my cell phone, so I'm still running after them. Up ahead there are 3 men on bikes coming up the trail towards us. When the two muggers see this, they take off across the yards of a housing complex next to the trail. I stop the 3 bikers, and start explaining what happened. As soon as I said "mugged," one of the men I stopped took off after them on his bike. It turns out he was a retired cop. One of the other men is a district attorney. He called dispatch and got a squad car to come out pronto. Ten minutes later, both perps are sitting in the back of a squad car, and I'm writing down my statement.

One of the offenders, Marcus, had an outstanding warrant for armed robbery. So maybe it was a bad idea to chase after him. The other guy, James? He had gotten out of jail the day before.

Considering the warrant and probation status of both of them, it looks like they won't be getting a slap on the wrist, but a pretty harsh sentence. The bond hearing was this morning. It was set at $40,000 in cash, which neither will have.

And that's that! I never got my food stamps card back, and sometime during the chase my camera fell out of my backpack. That camera had all my inauguration pictures, so I'm a little sad about that. However, I'm safe, have my money and phone, and a good story. So all is well :).

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ on a Tofu Cracker

2009-02-05T15:27:00.001-08:00

I was right.

I was right!!!

Yesterday, exactly 1 week after receiving the most badass birthday gift ever (zombies), a construction site was shut down across the street from my office when--get this--construction workers fell from ladders after feeling mysteriously faint and queasy. Then today the entire staff of a whole building called in sick. Why were they sick? Probably because a coworker bit them all sometime last week and now they have a craving for brains!

Ok, so you know how there are facebook groups devoted to "The hardest part of the zombie invasion will be pretending I'm not excited" and other such phrases? Well I used to laugh, but not believe! I'm really fucking excited now!

As I walk on campus between buildings, I see all these students I pass and think "What if I had to run through these without being bitten in order to save someone on the other side? How would I do it?"

I also think "I could take her out, take her out, maybe him, him...I would avoid him, easy, hard, has weak knees" and so on, and so on. Also, due to the fact that I have not made any really close connections here, I would have no hesitation in taking out anyone here with, say, a lawn mower or centuries old shot gun. If its for the good of the nation, nay world, then so be it. None of that emotional/moral crisis that occurs in the zombie movies. Do you know why William "B.J." Blazkowicz had no problem escaping the wolfenstein castle? Because he had no mercy. He didn't have to worry if this person was a good person in life, because he knew they were all nazi zombies. What I'm saying is, to me most of the time, Charleston Residents = Nazi Zombies.

Man, I hope it stays cold to slow down their undead metabolism. I may be itching for a fight, but I want the odds on my side.

The procrastination of fear.

2009-02-02T19:56:00.001-08:00

So I was at the inauguration. Most people know this.

I need to write about it.

In East Africa right now, the already tragic state of Somalia is going through yet again some really tough changes. With a new President and a new Secretary of State, I really want to write a series of articles detailing changes in US Policy, and what this means to the horn of Africa.

I haven't started either of these for over 15 days.

Why?

The only one grading them will be me. There are no parameters set except for my own. I think I'm a much harsher critic than any professor was.

Inauguration post coming very soon. I hope.

Best. Birthday. Ever.

2009-02-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

It's January in Charleston.

Think of it as April in the rest of the nation. Days are a crapshoot of rain, sun, "cold," and hot. Tomorrow there is a chance of snow; today was a high of 65. This weather kind of plays havoc with physical health, emotions, and your energy levels.

On top of this I'm looking at finding a new job in 5 months with an economy that's not just circling the drain, but is finding it's way out to the ocean through the myriad of sewage pipes that is our financial system. Unemployment for my age demographic is at 34% now.

Then, this past Wednesday, I turned 24. I have always said 24 was an important age. 21 - 23 is the final huzzah of true youth--that is wise enough to be an adult, but young enough to not be weighed down by responsibilities.

24 though...that's a new level of oldness.

On top of all this, Thursday (the day after my birthday) is the biggest project for my office of the entire year, so I'm not really going to be able to live it up.

My birthday is going to suck, right?

Not when you receive the greatest birthday gift ever conceived by man.

So there I was. Knee Deep. I'm driving to work, and within the first 2 miles I have to stop 3 times for firetrucks and ambulances. Not just a normal stoppage either--you know when you pull over to the side while they pass. No these trucks are straight out reckless in their drive to the ocean.

I get on the bridge to Charleston, and all sorts of sirens are coming at me. Now, each island and peninsula in the Greater Charleston Area has their own emergency services. If they are coming over the bridge, this is more than a 5 alarm emergency. This is an all hands on deck, shit is going down situation.

Let me set the scene now:

I'm sitting in traffic listening to the radio. The DJ comes on.

"And that was Mott the Hoople with a CLASSIC tune. Tell me, does anyone know what's going on over on folly beach? Police won't release a statement, and no visitors are allowed in. I'll tell you what. Free concert tickets to the Ravenettes for the first caller to tell me the 411. Now here's traffic."

And I switch stations. Perfect move.

At work we hear sirens go by for 3 full hours. The mystery is deepening.

On my lunch our I have to go deliver some mail. I come out the front door of the office, and what do I see but a line of white vans and trucks, with a weird company name on the side. It was like "EcoCom--Making the Future Now" or some crazy bullshit motto like that. I didn't have my pictures, but the internets provided me with this great mockup:

That's when it clicked. A mysterious occurence on the beach, sirens galore, police remaining mum and shutting down eyes, and a badass futuristic company fleet. Do I have to spell it out?

ZOMBIES!!!!

Name one movie that doesn't start with this exact same circumstance?! And it's been almost a week! It always starts slow and just infects a few people. Next thing you know half the city is gone! I haven't seen my roommates in 3 days, and last time I did one of them was really tired! Fuck!

I'm going to get my baseball bat.

Greatest Birthday Ever!

Dot Dot Dot

2009-01-10T07:24:00.000-08:00

Headline: Legislators Vote to Impeach Blagojevich
The House voted 114-1 to impeach Blagojevich a day after a special committee unanimously recommended impeachment following hearings on a variety of allegations, including federal corruption charges that led to his arrest last month.

Excuse me but...

WHO THE FUCK IS THE ONE WHO DIDN'T?! "You know what? Fuck you guys! I like Blago and he's sticking around!"

Little Gidding

2009-01-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make and end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from...
Every phrase and every sentence is an end and a beginning,
Every poem an epitaph. And any action
Is a step to the block, to the fire, down the sea's throat
Or to an illegible stone: and that is where we start.

-T.S. Elliot "Four Quartets"

I completed my New Years Resolution on January 2nd, and it was a monumental shift in my self.

Most Americans, and indeed most citizens of Western Society, have made a string of some (probably) hefty New Years Resolutions designed to make you closer to that person you want to be, or if you are honest the person you already view in the mirror. Losing weight, being a nicer person, being more honest, eating right, quitting smoking, taking more photographs, these are all noble pursuits which, if accomplished will perhaps make you a better person. Except how often are these resolutions ever successful? How many times have made the same resolution January 1st after January 1st?

The problem lies not in our grandiose desires; indeed, the urge of man to improve his self is one of our greatest attributes. The problem lies in our own short sightedness and cowardice.

A body, a self, a constructed reality contains much momentum. This momentum, like its corporeal counterpart, does not change directions easily, but that is exactly what we attempt to do. We want our reality, which we have conducted over decades and decades, to swerve directions with just a slight push from our will. As happy as this wish may be, it will never occur. Our existential mass is too great. Instead we are left with two options.

With great foresight and planning, one can plot out those little changes--a tweak here, a nudge there--that will change our momentum from where we are heading to a new destination. It is difficult, and perhaps can not be accomplished through a simple resolution made while high on carbonated wine, but it is possible.

The other option is to identify a weakness in yourself that you can exploit. That one weak link, that one thread which is, unknowingly, is holding everything together--and snip it. That's all it takes. If you don't like who you are, destroy it and build anew. You won't know what the results will be, but you know it will be different. And if anything different is better than what you have now, what is holding you back?

I made that attempt, and the results won't be seen for possibly years. But I know January 2nd changed things forever.

Life is never lived in a Goldfish Bowl

2008-12-25T21:04:00.000-08:00

Why do people like the over stretched, worn out, used up romance movie? This has been bugging me for awhile, because it seems like everyone without exception likes at least one of these. They may call it their "dirty little secret" but that doesn't excuse the fact that they do, in fact, love to watch the lonely yet caring man who always seems to be ready to give out love but hasn't found the right receptor meet the quirky, yet oh so slightly troubled 30-something woman (she probably owns a bookstore or writes, or something slightly elitist yet still accessible) who has always been the bridesmaid but never the bride. We don't see the rest of their relationship, but we know we know that they really have found "true love"--which in our book means two souls so perfectly complementing that as long as they are together life will never come between them. Why do we like this? I'm not criticizing those who do--I watch When Harry Met Sally as much as the next guy (which is a lot, even if they don't admit it. They at least watch something very similar.). I've just been trying to find out what attracts us to that particular scenario.

I wish I had an answer, but I do not know the universal soul of the western human to understand well enough why we have an instinct to respond to fantasy masquerading as reality. I do know, however, that it truly is fantasy.

Perhaps one reason is that we do always identify with one of the characters. If you don't think this is so, watch one of these movies with a group of women who have had a few glasses of wine each. You won't be able to hear the movie, but that's fine. Just listen to the cries of "That's just like me/you/her/your mother/your mother-in-law/Margaret Thatcher." The problem is, even if we do identify with the characters, and the universal problems they find themselves in, the solutions presented are never valid except in the world where responses are scripted, and the two lovers have no real interest in each other once the celluloid ends.

The dialogue is always perfect. The witticisms are just biting enough to be funny, but just tender enough to know there is love behind the words. The timing is always at a zenith--just after there has been enough strain to make us feel that the scenario represents true life, but not long enough to make us feel uncomfortable that perhaps it won't be resolved. And the words chosen are always heart melting, adorable, honest (yes), and completely and utterly useless.

In real life ideas like courage, uncertainty, self-doubt, cowardice get in the way. You know, you know, what you want to say. That every person in the last 3 years has been a lie, and a way to forget. That nothing has changed but geography, and really how important is that? That the weight of your decisions has been so unbearable as to make you morally and spiritually broken. That you are sorry and always have been. But the fear that saying the right words won't fix your problems is enough to mute you. You know you can continue to operate how you have been. To take the chance and fail would mean more than one person could handle. Instead it is much safer to swallow harder, and feel that unfortunately familiar drop of molten lead hit your stomach, where it will burn for at least a week despite your best efforts to quite literally extinguish it. Eventually it will cool, and that particular weight will pass. These circumstances, these internal struggles, those never enter into the celluloid world. All the quirky details a director includes to bring two characters to life never include their abject trappings. That would turn the happiest movie into a drama that too closely resembles life. While artistically it would be of great merit, who would want to watch that?

Amazing song:

Avett Brothers - Shame

Blech, everyone's allowed an emo post once in awhile, right?

Pick a category, any category

2008-12-22T17:15:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, Bristol Palin may be having her baby on Christmas. Can you taste it? That's palpable excitement my friend. It tastes like parmesan and broccoli. Even more exciting? What the hell is she naming the baby. My guesses:

Transport
-Auto
-Train
-Trolley
-Bike
-Shoe
-GPS

Food
-Soda
-Carrot
-Chestnut

Entertainment
-Film
-Rugby

Other:
-Futon
-Mantle
-Sofa
-Lamp

Numbers:
-Seven
-Eight
-Twelve
-Thirty

Drugs:
-Claritin
-Dayquill

Other:
-Tide
-Lanolin

New Idea, Same as the Old Idea

2008-12-17T06:37:00.001-08:00

From NBC's Mark Murray
"Saul Anuzis, the Michigan GOP chair who's running for chairman of the Republican National Committee, has issued a 24-page "Blueprint for a GOP Comeback" to RNC members that details his agenda and vision for returning the party to political power.

In the document, Anuzis envisions the party being a "grassroots-up relationship of equals," not a DC-down "paternalistic relationship; advocates for a "50-state strategy" to appeal to voters in the Northeast, Midwest, and West as well it does in the South; stresses that the party do a better job of reaching out to Latino and black voters; contends that the GOP begin harnessing the latest advancements in technology to advance its message; and argues that it search for ways to better compete against the Democrats financially."

So just to be clear, your new plan is "Let's do what Obama did" right? I don't blame you on this, because obviously it worked, but couldn't you at least come up with something original to add? I don't know, like "disenfranchise the gays" or "invade Iran" or whatever it is you guys like to do. If you are going to say you created a plan for victory, include something that is of your own invention, please.

So, apparently...

2008-12-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

So there I was, knee deep.

It was 1 am on a Saturday morning, and I had just gotten in from a graduation dinner. I was going through my box-o-junk, you know that box that you have under your bed containing all those knick knacks that you only need once a year, looking for I-don't-what. What I found, however, was my creme brulee torch (don't judge me, I don't judge you). Sitting next to that was an aerosol bottle of body spray, because sometimes you like smelling like you are 14. If you are a woman reading this post, I'm guessing you haven't connected the two yet. If you are a guy, you've automatically thought "Flame thrower!!" Yes, that's what went through my head too.

The thing about this particular aerosol, is that it's sprayer was a bit defective, so instead of a fast single stream, it would sputter, creating flame clouds! It was awesome! And it scared the hell out of my roommates yappy dog! So why would I stop, right?

So, apparently, my smoke alarm responds to flames as well as smoke. Five minutes into feeling like a mighty God of hell and fire, this annoying, persistent beep killed off all of my fun, and the damn thing wouldn't stop despite the fact I had quit creating clouds of flame (or at least took it to the bathroom).

So, apparently, my smoke detector is wired to all the other detectors in my house, as I discovered when I moved my fire abilities to the lavatoire.

So, apparently, all the smoke detectors in my apartment are connected to all the other smoke detectors in the duplex. Something about collective safety or something like that. I figured this out when I hear people evacuating outside.

What do I do? Well, as many of you know, I'm sly like a fox. I take off my pants and shirt, throw on a bathrobe, mess up my hair, and walk outside rubbing my eyes, joining in with the chorus of "Who the hell is setting off smoke detectors at 1 am!?"

Prop. 8 Update

2008-12-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

The Classy Quote of the Day:

...there is a real, unbroken line between the jihadist savagery in Mumbai and the hedonistic, irresponsible, blindly selfish goals and tactics of our homegrown sexual jihadists.
-- Pat Boone, December 6, 2008

Wait. Hold on.
Ok, I'm used to some pretty outrageous claims, especially from the ~~Republican~~ Homophobic crowd. Whether its claiming cartoon characters are mascots for gays, to asserting that 9/11 happened because of gays (and feminists, liberals, etcetera--the Commie Pinko Fags or CPFs), but this quote...really?

Groups of concerned citizens who have created entirely peaceful demonstrations against a law they consider unjust, and have tried to lobby--mostly ineffectually--their democratically elected representatives are equivalent to people who indiscriminately kill men, women, and children.

And I realize the vast, vast majority of Americans, both liberal and conservative, do not believe the agents of intolerance like Pat Boone, but the fact that he has somehow become a political force (campaigning heavily for John McCain), and does have ardent followers means that there are more than a few people out there who are so terrified of two men or women making love, that in their mind it is the equivalent to butchering children. And these people believe they are morally correct! That's the worst part! You know at least the racists and drug dealers and other lowlifes generally know that what they do is probably not right--they embrace it, but they know. These assholes believe their view is the morally correct one, one that every citizen should embrace, and generally one that is not just moral, but righteous.

40 more days of this shit and these people and their leaders are out of office.

I'm going to have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny Fucking Kaye!

2008-12-10T18:23:00.000-08:00

Ok. It's been almost a month since I've written in this. Maybe more than a month. I don't know. It's time for an update in 5...4...3...2...1
Swish! Buzzer! Let's Go!

Item #1. Why I haven't been writing:

Depression. Yup, that's pretty much it. I wrote a long blog post over Thanksgiving as to, well everything, but I don't think the Internets is the place to bare your soul. You do that at a bar over 2 bottles of scotch. It's something I've been dealing with for 2, pushing 3 years now, so it's nothing to be alarmed about. I'm just stating that to explain why, with a lot to talk about, I haven't. Lethargy and apathy my friends.

Item #2. The Protest.

I went to my first protest in the Charleston community. I was apprehensive for 2 reasons: This isn't my town yet, so I'm not connected to the political community, and federal laws prohibit me to engage in political activity if that activity can be linked back to my position in anyway. I can do it in my spare time, which I did, but I had to make sure I was no way identifiable as to what my employment was, whatsoever. With media there and whatnot, I was afraid I would be treading a fine line. Coincidentally, I was in the local paper, but my face was obscured by a sign. I only knew b/c I recognized the people around me, and my shirt.

The protest was against proposition 8 (the ban on Gay Marriage). I really wanted to write a long article about what it meant, both good and bad, and some curious factors about Charleston. I composed it in my head, but never got it onto paper. This is why I need a voice recorder. Items in my essay which will not be nearly poetic in list form:

-It rained before and after, but not during the event. Quite fortuitous.
-There was a cruise ship unloading during the protest, which means all the police were tied up.
-The leader of the protest was a straight woman with no clear ties to the gay community. She just saw an injustice and was compassionate.
-The protest, which ended at City Hall, was across from a church...Where a wedding was in progress. The protestors were quite courteous to the wedding goers, and even ended a bit early so that the bride and groom could enjoy a privilege that many of the protestors could not.
-In the cemetery at the church across from city hall was buried John Rutledge, the second Chief Justice of the United States. Since this issue will probably not be resolved until the Supreme Court rules on it, I thought it very cool that it was in front of the grave of one of the founding members of the Supreme Court. Pictures after the fold.

---------

Item 3. My Forthcoming Trip to D.C.

One of my big projects for the year, perhaps the biggest, was our annual Martin Luther King Jr. Day of Service. It has a $30,000 budget, and involves almost 200 individuals. I don't know if you've been paying attention to the economy as of late, but it's not doing so hot. That particular budget was slashed to about $3,000. Due to this, a bit of restructuring had to happen.

The new plan:

We take 50 students, 10 high school students, and an assortment of chaperones to Washington D.C. We stay at a KOA campground in Harpers Ferry, VA, participate in DC's Day of Service feeding the homeless, and then see Obama's inauguration the next day. We then travel home.

Why this sucks:

Those in charge I believe don't truly understand the crowd situation. They have travel times of 1 to 2 hours alloted. We will need 5.

Why it's awesome:

I get to go to DC for incredibly cheap, be there on one of the most historic days in the existence of our country, and certainly in my lifetime thus far, and--get this--I'll get comp time for the weekend I'm doing this.

To tie the last two items together, and simply because it's funny,
Proposition 8, the Musical:

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

Item 4. Christmas.

I fucking love Christmas. I don't think people realize I love it, but I assure you, it's to the extreme. I love it like rye toast. Or shaving. Unfortunately I'm living in a subtropic state whose coldest temperature is maybe, maybe, 45 degrees. So I've had to be creative. Nay, I've had to force it outright. I've had to force it so hard that it's now it's own verb. I've been Christmasing night and day. Every morning I have a playlist of Christmas music queued up and ready to go while I shower, shave, the works. Pandora's holiday mix (I've made it myself--does anyone know if they already have one?) keeps me going at work. At night, Netflix has been delivering a constant stream of Christmas movies to my doorstep. Tonight is Home Alone. I've also been keeping a fan by my open window to blow in some decently cold air, in hopes that I can at least use a few blankets.

This past week Charleston finally decided to kick it up a notch and get in the spirit. First I received a free (FREE!) ticket to the Vienna Boys Choir. It was fantastic. More than fantastic. It was scrumtralescent.

Then that weekend was the city tree lighting and--get this--Boat Parade. Yeah, you read that right. Boat parade. Living by the ocean is odd sometimes. Pictures below the fold.

So that's pretty much it. This post lacked any attempt at a creative narrative, or even a poetic line, but it felt good to write again. I can't wait to see my friends again in 10 days.
Peace, Love, Happiness.
-Neil

-----------

Hitting the ground running

2008-11-10T06:20:00.000-08:00

I think just about everyone was apprehensive about this election. The doubts raised by both sides against the other, while sometimes exaggerated to a point of ridiculousness, were nonetheless often correct. McCain's health is bothersome, even if the folks and Brave New PAC bent the truth by making it seem like he was a walking zombie. The lack of experience for Obama was even more worrisome, but often not for the reasons pointed out by the GOP. As Clinton learned quite quickly, being President with both houses supporting you, doesn't mean you have an ability to get your way most, or even some of the time. Now that the democrats have become more of a big tent party, it will be even harder for Obama as he'll often have to reconcile many divergent interests within his own party, while at the same time assuaging the fears of the still considerably powerful minority. Our current President may have had a lack of experience when it came to dealing with Washington, he at least had experience being an executive power, something Obama lacks.

With those fears in mind, I was greatly heartened by the events and headlines of this past weekend. Obama has shown quite quickly that he has a firm grasp of the abilities, powers, and most importantly challenges and limits that come with being a President. A run down of the headlines and articles:

Obama 'to reverse Bush decisions'

"US President-elect Barack Obama will seek to reverse Bush administration policies when he enters office on 20 January, his transition chief has said...[Co-Chairman of the Obama-Biden transition team] Mr. Podesta said executive orders on stem cell research or drilling in Utah could be easily repealed as no congressional action was needed."

Obama planning US trials for Guantanamo detainees

"WASHINGTON – President-elect Obama's advisers are quietly crafting a proposal to ship dozens, if not hundreds, of imprisoned terrorism suspects to the United States to face criminal trials, a plan that would make good on his promise to close the Guantanamo Bay prison but could require creation of a controversial new system of justice."

Obama Aides Tamp Down Expectations

"But while the energy of his supporters could be a tremendous political asset as Mr. Obama works to enact his agenda after taking office in January, his aides said they were looking to temper hopes that he would be able to solve the nation’s problems or fully reverse Bush administration policies quickly and easily, especially given the prospect of a deep and long-lasting recession."

UPDATE 11/11/08.

In what is quickly developing as a giant man crush for me, Obama has announced more changes to be enacted once he reaches office:

Obama 'to curb lobbyists' reach'
"Under the new measures, Mr Obama will not allow lobbyists who petition the federal government to do any such work while working with the transition, said Mr Podesta.

The guidelines will also prevent anyone who has acted as a lobbyist over the last 12 months from working on any policy area in the transition in which they had been active.

He added that anyone who works on the transition and then becomes a lobbyist will be barred from approaching the administration for 12 months in the area in which they worked. "

Oh yeah baby, make sweeping changes for me. What's that? You want to modernize the nation's power grid? Oh whisper it in my ear Mr. President. Yeah, increase the subsidies to alternative energy sources, increase it hard and long. Oh baby, more subsidies, Subsidize me good! Oh God! Increased service based scholarships for high school and college students! Oh yeah! Harder! Harder! OH! UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! EMPHASIZED DIPLOMACY OVER MILITARY ACTION! TRANS-PAR-ENT GOV-ERN-MENT!

*Whew*

I'm spent.

-----------------

In other, but somewhat related news...

South Dakotans defeat a ballot initiative to ban abortions.

New Hampshire has first ever female majority in the State Senate

This particular one really excites me, because it will finally prove once and for all that the sexes are equal, and that women are going to fuck up just as much as men have for the past few millenia. Or at least one can only hope.

A dilemna.

2008-10-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine made a jab at me the other day because of my facebook religious view "Open-minded Christian." Her interpretation? "That just means you don't go to church." After some thought, it turns out she was right, but not in the way she meant.

I've been pondering why I don't go to church anymore. Is it because, like so many people, when the parental obligation was removed, my apathy shone through? Doubtful. I have a pretty rational view of the world, and as such can realize when my own beliefs are irrational. My beliefs are real beliefs, though many would argue otherwise. And it's not a reaction to the excesses of the faith, for I've never been able to fault the wisdom of one person for the mistakes of many. This said, there is a genuine balking feeling in me at the thought of going to church, and it's made me curious as to why that feeling exists. It was a passage from James Baldwin's "The Fire Next Time" that shed light on my situation:

"It is not too much to say that whoever wishes to become a truly moral human being (and let us not ask whether or not this is possible; I think we must believe
that it is possible) must first divorce himself from all the prohibitions, crimes, and hypocrisies of the Christian church. If the concept of God has any validity or any use, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of him."

All organized religions are inherently evil. This may not be their intention, but evil exists because of their actions nonetheless. Churches exist to interpret the philosophy of a man. (I'm speaking in general terms, not just of the Christian religion.) If these organizations existed to facilitate a free flow of ideas over the given philosophy--a truly free flow--then perhaps that evilness would be mitigated. But even the most benevolent church exists to preach, that is to spread a specific interpretation of a philosophy. In essence they are asking (and more often demanding) a capitulation of free thought to accept the one interpretation. In exchange, you are offered safety in the next life--even though in every religion that safety is already freely offered.

When free thought is surrendered, man no longer truly has a free will--he no longer has that which defines humanity. Anything that causes man to surrender his very essence can only be evil, even if the intentions are well-meaning. Worshiping a deity or following a philosophy is itself an exercise of free will. In order for a religion, that is a way to worship, to be truly good it must divorce itself from organized interpretation. Only then will the control, the blindness, the violence, the fear, that has come with every single religion, whether the monotheistic Christianity, the pluralistic Hinduism, or the self-deitization of the modern Buddhism. If not, if the notion of God is used to perpetrate fear and the denial of self, then God ceases to be valid, and what Descartes inadvertantly started, and Nietzsche perpetuated will be completed by the very organizations that claim to serve that which it is destroying.

If God undeniably exists, then religions are dutifully bound to reject the confines which they themselves have created. Only be removing the ideological confines that each ones places on the interpretation of their respective philosophies, and promoting a free exchange of, at times, conflicting messages, can their proverbial souls be saved.

Ah growing up.

2008-10-25T21:56:00.001-07:00

"Neil, this is my friend 'Ash---.' She's the smartest person I know."

It shone through. Her quiet self-confidence, calm yet magnetic, constantly turned every head towards her, despite the most humble efforts to do just the opposite. While the conversation spun around the coffee table, bouncing from one person to the next between sips of hearty zinfadels and cab savs (acidic reds for the spicy fall flavors, naturally), she sat off to the side, rarely interjecting with her thoughts. But when she did speak, people listened. Not the type of listening where one is waiting for the chance to speak, but the earnest wish to understand.

All of this entered me, filled me, and left me stricken quiet. A rare occurrence. It was only during my trip home, reflecting on the events of the night, did I realize her physical beauty and grace was as striking as her intellect. It has been a long time that one's qualities have been revealed in that order.

Despite appearances to the contrary, the chance meeting of this person was not what amazed me. It was that I believe this signals the deeper emotional change that is going to occur soon. I am self aware enough to recognize the snowball I created 5 months ago--I just don't know where the snowball is headed.

That change manifests itself in the smallest ways. Tonight I carved a pumpkin. This decidedly juvenile activity shouldn't have been a revelatory experience, but I scooped out the pulp with my hands. Not a spoon. When I was a child and my sister and I would carve pumpkins, my father would always scoop out the goop--an activity I could never bring myself to do. I always thought that it was amazing that he could just stick his hand in there, unafraid, and pull out the insides. Not only did the activity feel so slimy, the it had a certain brutality about it. Tonight, however, it didn't phase me. I've accepted the mantle of adulthood.

Quick update

2008-10-24T10:59:00.000-07:00

Another item added to the Sarah Palin beliefs list:
Only SOME domestic bombers are terrorists. Just like only certain parts of America are considered "Real America" and certain Americans actual patriots, only certain domestic bombers are terrorists. I don't support Bill Ayers, and will make no defense of his actions, which I believe were wrong. Because of that belief, I don't support any person trying to harm an American through terrorist methods. Apparently that's not the belief of the Vice President though.

In her view, Bill Ayers planting bombs on American soil made him a terrorist. No argument there. Anti-abortion extremists who blow up abortion clinics and take innocent lives, are not.

Movies: LOTR>Star Wars>Harry Potter. Books: Harry Potter>LOTR>Star Wars

2008-10-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

So work has sucked lately. Don't worry, this isn't going to be an entry when I gripe all the time. Quite the opposite. I'm just saying that it hasn't been that great. I have a boss that doesn't know how to utilize me properly, or really know how to manage. There are two coworkers of mine that, although students, have been around since before my boss has been there. They have their own projects, do their own thing, and that's fine. In short, they are able to work independently and function like a professional--my boss has never had to manage them. Then there are two part-time office workers. Recent hires. Kind of gofers. They are assigned office tasks, complete them, and move on. My boss, apparently, believes that that is also my role here. Except, I was hired due to my 3 years of community service work, and my 3 combined years of managerial experience---I was hired specifically to not be a person to simply complete tasks, but to manage myself, and work to expand my office's capacities. In fact a VISTA's job description specifically says "expand capacities."

But even if she is going to try to run me as a worker bee, she would have to give me tasks, right? Nope, that's not the case either.
A sample conversation:

Me: Stef. All of my projects are done. My next big project I can't work on until mid-November. What do you believe this office needs that I can work towards improving.
Stef: I have so much work I don't know what to do. I'm so busy that I can't give you any guidance or work to do, because that would take too much time. (This was actually said).

So needless to say I haven't been happy. I'm used to being in charge, not having to justify my ability to work independently, and with a supportive staff around me. When this is removed, I get grumpy. But then this week occured.

While my problems with my boss haven't disappeared, this week has been crazy awesome.

Tuesday. I wake up an hour early to go to a meeting at 8 am (an hour before I'm usually at work), at which I sit for 2 hours in a most uncomfortable chair, choking down stale coffee that had to have been made with what I can only guess was sea turtle feces. This was OK though. I was there for a reason. I had a purpose. I was going to present my plan for the city to reduce their landfill waste by 40%, and then watch as it was shot down simultaneously by the 11 members of the Charleston Green Committee, and all the representatives of the County Green Ribbon Committee. What plan am I speaking of? See the post before this one.

But what happened? I met a representative from the county waste management. She is completely for my plan, and we are meeting to discuss how to proceed with it. Furthermore, she told me that while most of the county is actually against any such proposal, their balls are in the metaphorical vice. The landfills are full, the incinerator is, let's face it, a dying technology, building new landfills is going to be expensive and politically infeasible, and--most excitingly--the EPA has contracted with Charleston to use them as one of 10 test cities to install a "Cost to Toss" initiative on waste management. In other words, my plan is going to look a whole hell of a lot better than the alternatives. Also I may have found funding for a student's $350,000 project to get an on-sight composter.

Pumped from this meeting I gathered all my information and sent it to my beautiful pledge wife Bel, who is in charge of the Boiler Green Initiative. They are now looking into implementing something at Purdue. THEN I placed all of my research on scribd.com, which I'm in love with, and after 2 days I already had just shy of 100 views. I've created my own little composting clearing house.

So that day was enough to make my week, but God said "NO! You shall have more!"
Today I go to this meeting with a man named Mark Bryan. He wants the college's help in expanding this after school music program for disadvantaged kids. Turns out Mark Bryan is the lead guitarist for Hootie and the Blowfish. I don't care if its not 1997 anymore. It was sweet.

Finally I get to dogsit this weekend. That means more cash for me (always welcome when you make 3.50 an hour), and I finally have an awesome dog in the house. Funny enough, each dog is approximately exponentially larger than the dog before her. Mine is the biggest. The dog's awesomeness follows the exact same scale. Which means my dog is 16 times more awesome than the smallest dog in my house.

Life is good.

P.S. More on scribd. So if I wanted to back up my important files I would first save all my pictures, followed by all my documents. Finally my home videos and then maybe some install files. People pay for a monthly subscription to server companies to be able to back up these files. With scribd and picassa, why would you ever do that?

P.P.S. I bought a scale last week. I've lost 13 pounds since I moved here. Poverty rocks!

My plan

2008-10-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago I outlined a student's plan to reduce the college's waste. When I found it hard to get the approximately $1.2 million to fully fund the program, I hit upon a new idea.

What if, instead of $1.2 million to reduce the college's waste, we use $9 million to install a city wide composting plan. While it may cost 9 times the original amount, per capita it's much cheaper. I am really proud of this because it was an entirely original idea. True, it turns out San Francisco has implemented a program entailing almost everything I thought of, and then some, but that doesn't mean my thought wasn't entirely original since I had never read of San Francisco's plan--nor any city wide composting plan--before my idea. So whatever, I'm proud of it.

So anyway, the plan.

You know how you have trash and recycling pick up at your door (or at least here in Charleston we do)? Well what if you had a 3rd bin, for compostable items--which is 40% of all our waste. Instead of having all that waste hit landfills, where it produces methane due to anaerobic decomposition, or being incinerated where it shoots mercury into the air, we can decompose it rather quickly, turning it into rich soil nutrients.

Of course that's a lot of compost being produce. Literally thousands of tons. Which means we can sell it and possibly make money off the whole enterprise, reducing citizen's taxes. It would also help out local farmers and reduce the amount of liquid fertilizer entering the water stream.

In my mind this presentation would have been a lot more breathtaking. I think if this was implemented it would do a world of good though.

Bucket List

2008-10-10T13:01:00.001-07:00

It's been forming in my head for awhile. I don't want to develop brain crack, so here you go:

1. The obligatory one. Ask me if you don't understand. I'm trying to keep this one SFW.

2. Ride in a blimp!

3. Visit Petra.

4. Be published. For something someone would actually read.

5. Design my own home. Have a composting toilet. in it. Not one of the ones on the market though. I want one that uses compressed air (generated from windmills) to shoot the waste through piping to a composting machine 500 yards from my house, conveniently located next to my garden.
NO!! Even better! One that packages the waste into rockets. Once a day a rocket is blasted from the roof of my house to a field 1/4 a mile away, where it explodes over a composting field. How fucking cool would that be?

6. Successfully form a secret society. Control a government. Not necessarily the government. Any government will do, even if its just a small town. Scotch will be involved in the ceremonies.

7. Fight an insurrection. I'm not unpatriotic, I'll go to a different country to help out. Kind of like Hemingway in Spain only, you know, not.

8. Live carbon free. This is a slow process, but I'm getting there. My gas consumption is down to about $25 - $30 a month, less hot water is being used in my home (by me anyway--my roommates like to run the AC at 74 degrees with the door open), and I'm working towards helping the city reduce it's carbon foot print. If my plan works out, I'll be a shoo-in for grad schools nationwide...It probably won't work, but a guy can dream.

9. Hike across Ireland, Scotland, the Appalachian Trail, or New Zealand.

10. Start a nonprofit agency.

11. Be buried directly in the ground with no casket. I don't like the idea of my body just staying there, somewhat preserved, for centuries on end. I don't really dislike it--it's just a body. Donate it to a necrophiliac group for all I care, at least some use will be gotten out of it. My point is that its wasteful to preserve bodies. Put me directly in the ground, dump some soil on me, and plant a fruit tree on top. I want my Great Grandchildren to talk about how good Grandpa Neil's apple pie is, without realizing the irony of Grandpa Neil being IN the apple pie, in a matter of speaking. The body farm is a good alternative too.

When you think about it, wouldn't it be cool if more famous Americans donated their bodies to the body farm? Think about the headlines:

"Gerald Ford, dead at 93. He served his country honorably. And because of him we now know how flesh decays while being submerged in peat moss."

Wow

2008-10-01T05:37:00.000-07:00

I do believe, that when our generation looks back on our lives 50, 60 years hence, we will see these last 2 weeks as the most pivotal in our lives (nationally speaking that is). The amount of events that are occurring in our nation, and the breakneck speed at which they are developing, is completely unprecedented. Furthermore, the events themselves are not petty matters, but some of the most important developments in decades upon decades. I wanted to just give a rundown of newspaper headlines for the last 2 weeks--most of them from just the last few days!

House Rejects $700 Billion Bailout

Dow Falls Record 778 Points; Stocks Lose $1.2 Trillion

Banking Consolidation Continues as Citigroup Buys Wachovia

Prosecutors Subpoena Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae

Mukasey Appoints Special Prosecutor for US Attorneys Scandal

Ex-CIA Executive Director Pleads Guilty to Wire Fraud

Immigration Agents Arrest 1,100 in California

GOP Concern Growing Over Selection of Palin

Olmert: Israel Should Withdraw from Most of West Bank & Golan Heights

US Suspends Trade Benefits to Bolivia

More job cuts loom as economy slows

US-India nuclear deal set to face final hurdle

Pakistani Officials Say at Least 6 Killed in US Drone Strike

Heavy Tiger rebel casualties in Sri Lanka fighting: ministry

Report Implicates White House in Prosecutor Firings, Officials Say

Iraq remains 'locked in conflict'

Woman in cow costume arrested (Note: I was getting depressed with these headlines)

Troubling times folks.

A Note of Respect

After criticizing Palin wholeheartedly, I do want to be fair and point out her moments of bravery. From a USA Today article:

Palin also said that she doesn't believe that the media's coverage of her has been sexist. "It would be sexist if the media were to hold back and not ask me about my experience, my vision, my principles, my values," said Palin, Alaska's governor.

Agreed, and thank you for being the one to say it when your party and the media won't.

Sarah Palin's Beliefs--UPDATED 10/24/08

2008-09-24T13:41:00.001-07:00

The Ever Expanding List of our Potential Vice President's Beliefs;

1. Witches Exist. They should be stoned.

Palin's church hosted a pastor who claimed that the Lord showed him the source of a string of car crashes in the village--a "witch" in the village. He then rallied the town to stone her. She escaped, fortunately, but now lives in exile. At first it seemed that Palin just happened to go to that same church. That is a fair defense--most lay members don't really control who happens to be the visiting pastor of their church, nor what that pastor's sermon will contain. However now it looks like she's participated in the sermon itself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl4HIc-yfgM

(warning...it's really long, and boring, despite being batshit crazy. She comes in near the end.)

2. Dinosaurs and Humans coexisted together. 7,000 years ago.

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2008/09/15/bess/index1.html

(3rd or 4th paragraph down)

3. Alaska should be independent.

Ok, ok, I know it's actually her husband who believes this, but that still raises some points. First, when Michelle Obama mentioned that she was finally proud of her country, people used that to show Barack wasn't patriotic. If that idea is true--that your spouse often speaks for you--then how patriotic can you be when your husband doesn't want to be a part of the country for which you could be the leader?

4. Abstinence education works.

I have to say "hats off" to you on this one. Your eldest daughter is proof that it doesn't, yet you remain adamant. That type of stubbornness really demands respect.

5. The Iraq war is a mission from God.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080903/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_palin_iraq_war

6. Rape victims should pay for their own rape kit. Also they shouldn't be allowed to abort the fetus.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/01/palin-on-abortion-id-oppo_n_122924.html

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=5784496

7. The Government should ban books:

http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1837918,00.html

(13th paragraph down)

8. She might hold some anti-semitic views.

Ok, let's be clear. She does not hold anti-semitic views, at least not with any direct evidence. But there are some dangers in her church's view. Once again participating at a church is not the same thing as endorsing what a minister has said, but in love, war, and politics, all things are fair, and it's often more with whom you associate than what you yourself say. Remember all the flack Obama got for Jeremiah Wright's words? I do think criticism levied at him was fair if he knew the minister believed that yet never spoke out against it or left the church. Actions, or inactions, speak louder than words. Her visiting minister announced that Jews control the worlds' money, and that good Christian financiers need to take over. She has never protested this asinine statement, and in fact participated just a few minutes later in the church service in which this was announced. Also, when she ran for Governor, rumors circulated in Alaska that originated from her camp that her opponent was a Jew, and therefore unfit to lead. This packs a double-whammy b/c first their is the idiotic and anti-semitic view that Jewish people are not fit to lead (Christians have done SUCH a good job), and that her party, while maybe not believe it themselves, would spread this idea. In other words, she's slimy.

Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2008/sep/26/sarah.palin.religion.jews

9. This Financial Crisis, and It's Bailout is really about healthcare reform, job creation, tax reduction/relief, and reining in government spending--what???

I can't even attempt to explain this. Here is a transcript from the Katie Couric Interview:

COURIC: Why isn’t it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries? Allow them to spend more, and put more money into the economy, instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

Palin: That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, we're ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.

Source: CBS News.

10. Only some domestic bombers are terrorist. The rest, even though they take American lives, are just speaking their minds. Through bombs.

A Call for Change

2008-09-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

A Call for Change

To my Brothers and Friends Dedicated to Service,

This letter probably comes to you as a surprise. After every stage in life, most people go through a period of reflection. It comes as no shock that in hindsight better choices and decisions could have been made. It’s the “If I only knew then, what I know now” syndrome. For most the reflection ends there, and life moves on. For me it is different, in that my life is continuing very much in the same vein as the last half decade has occurred, but from a totally new orientation. Due to this reorientation as to how I view the world of service and volunteerism, and due to my expanded knowledge that comes with the territory of my job, I felt impelled to share what occurred to me today. Stick with me, and I’ll try to make it as brief as possible.

The freshman class that has just entered universities and colleges across the nation are unique compared to every class that has come before them. Statistically they are more inclined to service, volunteerism, and societal change than any class since the matter has been studied. For years now service—which I will use from now on to include both the concepts of volunteerism and advocacy/activism—has been on the rise, with each new class performing more service than the one before it. About every three years marks a 20% increase in the amount of service being performed in communities by college students. Of course this could mean that every new freshman class is unique to the one before, but this one—this one is special. Part of this expansion in service is due to a generational shift—they were simply brought up with an increased sense of community and civic responsibility that ours’ and the preceding generation lacked. But part of it is due to efforts by our various governments to foster this element of service among the youth.

In 2002, George W. Bush created a White House Council that coordinated, for a short time, Learn and Serve America, the FreedomCorps, and many other federal programs that fostered service-learning; by 2003 they were up and running. This means that the high school freshman class of 2003, which graduate this past May and entered college this past month, is the first class in which many students have had an entire high school career that married, and made indistinguishable, the idea of service and learning. The results of this monumental occurrence are immediately apparent.

In my own office, which promotes community service among students, we have seen more students come to us in the first 3 weeks of school than we saw in the entire first semester last year. Student clubs that promote service, and whose active body number maybe 20, have had double and triple that number show up to their informational sessions. And on a campus of 10,000 that is known for societal apathy among its students, nearly 1,000 (mostly freshmen) have registered to vote in just 5 days, ensuring that their voice is heard in this next election. These data, which eclipse all statistics I can find from similar years, I believe are not a fluke, but represent a fundamental, yet possibly temporary, shift in the attitude of a freshman class.

The point in all of this? This new class represents an opportunity that has never been seen before, and an opportunity for which many universities are unprepared. This generation has wedded service, learning, and social life (high school—perhaps the most social time in anyone’s lives) in their minds. If that marriage does not continue through college, we will lose an opportunity that has never come about before. Further more, this class is entering an experience that represents a most fundamental change in their life during one of the most transformative political landscapes this nation has experienced. This year, this class, is an opportunity like no other for those who care about the culture of service. An opportunity to produce academic citizens that view service to fellow man not as an obligation, or a temporary occurrence, but as a very part of life itself.

My challenge to you is to do what the universities and colleges are unprepared to do. Do what it takes to get this freshman class involved. Lower your dues, spend more on advertising, work with other organizations to get the message out. Before you can do anything with this generation, they have to know that there are opportunities to continue what was started in their lives four years ago. Expanding your ranks, however, does nothing if there is no substance behind your program. More is needed from you and from your colleagues to make a difference, to give this next class the opportunities that you probably didn’t have. One always hear of parents worrying about what they are leaving their children, but one doesn’t have to be a parent to think of how their actions are going to affect those even just a few years younger. You have a chance to lay the groundwork for lasting change.

A large organization will do nothing if your actions are the same as always. To implement lasting change you need to look at how your entire program is run. This, I realize, is no easy task. It is hard enough to plan for the next semester; I’m asking you to plan for the next half decade. Sit down with your organization, form committees, and start an actual discussion as to where you are going on your campus. Actions without a vision and a plan are effectively meaningless. Question your goals. Is service just enough, or do you need to start promoting advocacy? If so how? Is there a way to better teach those below you the importance of what you do? Do you understand the importance of what you do? If you can’t answer these questions, and many others, then you have a lot of work to do, so start now! Don’t wait! Do it tomorrow, or next week at the latest. Talk to your members, bring them together, and lead the conversation. When you have a clear vision from the voice of your colleagues, vote on it, and figure out how to implement it. Perhaps most importantly, elect leadership that will listen to your voice, and follow your decisions. Every day that passes without this conversation occurring, means this opportunity has slipped a little bit further from your grasp. It is not too late to do what needs to be done, but one can not delay. Fortunately every semester marks an opportunity to start anew, and with the right vision that one semester is all you need.

Finally, and this is the hardest, change how you yourself operate. Put aside the differences you have with each other in implementing this goal. I know how hard it is. I failed at this often, but you still have to try, and try earnestly. Realize that sometimes the method to get there is not as important as the goal, so long as the method is upright and honest. This personal change works both ways though. If you have to put aside your differences with the leadership, the leadership needs to always remember that their position is an obligation, and a gift, not a mandate. And that the trust of power does not necessitate a right to power, and a right to do what you want, when you want.

Follow this advice, and I believe you’ll see an improvement not just in the organizations you care so much about, but in yourself as well. That by trying to create an opportunity for this incoming class (and those that will follow), you will improve your own opportunities as well. And by leading others towards leadership, friendship, and service, you and they alike will find that at the heart of it, those principles are one and the same.

Thank you for your time,

Neil Hudelson

Taxes and You

2008-09-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

CNN tried to act like a real news source today, and produced information both objective and useful to the average American. Surprised? So was I. Since a lot of people--especially older adults, surprisingly--seem confused about what the McCain and Obama tax proposals mean to them. Disregard the fact that a President doesn't propose legislation, or have the power to actually change the tax law. If they did get their way, however, this is what their tax program would mean to you:

Life Update

2008-09-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

Kiddos, life is good.

First.

Let me say that as I'm writing this, my incredibly supportive and loving friends are purchasing a ticket for me back to Indiana to spend what I'm sure will be a wonderful long weekend. I love them all. I'll be coming in October 1st, and leaving that Monday. Prepare your hearts, minds, and livers accordingly.

Second.

I've found a new inner strength through a source I'm sure many people have used before. Sometimes I feel that the spirit of this man who lived for us here on earth, to bring us out of our worldly misery into a new light is flowing through me, and permeates every inch of my body. When I think of his works, I find peace inside. If it's not obvious already, if you are asking "Who is this wonderful person whose life work serves our human brothers" I'm talking of course of Billy Joel. My job is incredibly fulfilling, and I'll miss it a lot. Even the most fulfilling job doesn't guard against the stresses of life though. That's why lately when I'm feeling stressed, usually from financial matters, I turn to the Gospel of Billy J:

Third.

As far as my life in South Carolina goes, I wasn't kidding about the fulfilling part of the job. As some of you may know, I'm working on a really cool Sustainability project. The project my office is producing involves renovating 3 historic houses so that they are more energy efficient--Using solar technology, energy efficient lights, better and eco-friendly insulation--things like that. A parallel project is in the works. It is the brainchild of a really cool student here who is very dedicated to the cause of environmental sustainability. He noticed that the dining halls put out a lot of food waste here. Five Thousand Pounds to be exact. Per dining hall. 20,000 pounds a week in all. A WEEK! 20,000! It boggles my mind. Since our island land fill is...well full...waste like this ends up being incinerated. With lots of human waste, incineration is understandable as recycling isn't always possible. With food waste though, it just doesn't make sense to incinerate that much food, putting all of its carbon in the atmosphere, when local farmers and gardeners could benefit from such a bounty.

This student researched urban composters and found one that is perfect for a crowded city like Charleston. It is custom built to fit any location. It can process any amount of waste that you specify. It produces both solid and liquid fertilizer, so farmers and gardeners can use the solid type, and the college can fertilize its lawn with the liquid type. It produces no odor. It's perfect. Oh yeah, and it costs $300,000 per composter. With 4 needed, that's $1.2 million dollars needed. Did I mention the college is near broke? Since $1.2 million is probably impossible, we are trying for the cost of 1 composter. The money saved from not having to cart away the waste can be slowly accumulated until another one is affordable, starting the process over again. Since it really doesn't make sense to stop the release of carbon by incineration, only to put more into the air by transporting all this compost on trucks, he wants to convert diesel trucks to veggie oil, which can be filled up at the same dining hall where we are making the compost.

All in all, this is a very expensive, very hard project. I'm amazed he would take it on--I know I would never have had the time as a student. To do what I can to help him, I decided to try to find funding for his cause. After about 5 straight days of searching, I found a grant for up to $500,000 for research into waste reduction, including composting. The catch is, it will only cover 25% of overhead (you know, equipment, like a $300,000 composter and a $10,000 bio-diesel truck)--or $87,000. Still its a great start. The other catch is that it has to be research into waste reduction. As soon as I get word from the student in charge of all of this, I'm going to try to form a coalition between local farmers, the college, Charleston Recycling, the City's Green Council, and the Environmental Science department to start a research/case study project that will allow us the grant to get this project going (and hopefully these partners will chip in on the cost). So that's what's taking up about 75% of my time at work.

Remember. Click on the links on the left. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.

Politics and the Media.

2008-09-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

I've signed on to the T. Boone Pickens' energy plan (http://www.pickensplan.com). Now that my name is on board, how could it fail? If you haven't checked it out, please do. Frankly it just makes sense. Also it was created by a man whose name leads me to believe he was conceived when his mother had a fuck-fest with Yosemite Sam, Foghorn Leghorn, and every blues guitarist from Stax records.

Two days after I signed on, Governor Richardson from New Mexico became a supporter. Richardson, who ran a very honorable campaign during this past primary, and whose campaign cornerstone was the idea of an apollo project for alternative energy, is a politician whom I've come to trust almost completely in both domestic and foreign policy. If he's on board, I know it's a good plan. For your convenience, I've included a video explaining it. Kind of me, right?

In more political news, God Bless Comedians. In 1974, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein uncovered crucial evidence in the Presidential scandal that would eventually come to be known as Watergate. Their evidence and investigation led to the downfall of Nixon, and is considered a shining example of the 4th estate. Thinking "That's probably enough for a century" the press has been on vacation ever since.

In the meantime the rights and duties have been transferred onto a snide, sniveling group of citizens called Comedians. In the last 8 years, their role in the government has shined, but as of late they have been curiously absent, leaving the press to ask our elected officials the hard hitting questions that reveal to us, the viewers, just what it is we need to know about the policies governing our country. Of course this hasn't happened. To be fair, Kanye was arrested at an airport, so the war, the economy, and our looming energy crisis really can wait just a little longer.

Fortunately the comedians have stepped it up lately. First was the Daily Show's stupendous coverage of the Republican and Democratic National Primaries. They are the first ones to take Sarah Palin to task, and all with a message that it's ok to question the credentials of the VP Candidate, even if she is a woman. That message is sadly lost on the press.

If you haven't seen it, their response to the Conservative Pundit's response to Palin, and their cries of Media Sexism--somehow ON the night she was nominated (That's some fast sexism!)--is flung back in their faces in such a way that reminds me of TDS back when Colbert and Carrell were writers:

Their hard hitting attack at the cries of sexism, should've paved an immediate path for the media to begin to question Palin on her issues, rather than be scared shitless of being called a sexist (something they were never afraid of when Clinton was running). Instead it took them almost 3 weeks, when Charlie Gibson took her to task. Seriously, what has the world come to when Charlie Gibson has become journalism's hardest hitting newsman?

But did the Daily Show stop there? Hells no! When everyone else was amazed a woman could be that tough, TDS actually questioned her words. (I don't care if this clip is decidedly biased. I'm a community organizer, so fuck the Republicans. You know I used to respect McCain? In my very liberal office, I would defend the idea of conservatism as vital to a healthy dialogue in the nation. You know what? I was wrong. Fuck McCain, Fuck the Republicans, and definitely fuck Palin. I hope every conservative hack job who would rather turn to their bible than actually use reason and logic, who would give up constitutional freedoms in order to strengthen the executive power under a President who was a C-student, and bankrupted his first 5 businesses, and who would support the placing of our citizens in harms way by invading a sovereign country, loses their job in the next election, and every idiotic voter who would support them sees their worst nightmares come true by having their taxes raise 90% to pay for socialized medicine. Fuck them and their little dog too....But I digress):

Finally, Tina Fey had a masterful performance satirizing Sarah "Lipstick" Palin on the opening of this weekend's SNL. While TDS has a limited audience, I think this clip reaches a much bigger audience, and hopefully causes them to question the woman who could be our President just a little bit:

That's all I have to say about that.

P.S. If you don't know what I"m talking about with Charlie Gibson, here's the best clip of the interview (the whole thing is kind of dry):

I mean GEEZ! I KNOW WHAT THE BUSH DOCTRINE IS! I AM ACTUALLY MORE QUALIFIED TO BE VP THAN SARA FUCKING PALIN! ARGH SHE COULD BE OUR PRESIDENT!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US REPUBLICANS?!?!

YMCA Field Day

2008-09-12T11:20:00.001-07:00

We just received some beautiful pictures of the YMCA Field Day project--my office's first big outing. I thought I'd share.
-Neil

P.S. See that ad to the side there? Every time you click it I get a teeny bit of money. Help make this Christmas a good one!

Productivity

2008-09-11T12:59:00.001-07:00

Today at work I created a fundraiser to send students on service trips to other countries for spring break, found a grant for $500,000 for a sustainability initiative, coordinated a voter registration drive, counseled 6 freshmen on volunteering in the community, and still had time to make this:

(If you don't get it, you are not nerdy enough for me:)

Crossroads of Two Cultures

2008-09-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

Part of the reasons I decided to take a job after college that paid well below what I made in high school, and to do it in a place where I knew absolutely no one, was because of what is termed by people I dislike "self-discovery." (I prefer the even more masturbatory term "ego-actualization.") I wanted to know how I handled life when all my support systems have been removed--financial, social, familial. Furthermore I wanted to gain first hand knowledge of cultures different than mine, whether that be socio-economic, or more in the ways of norms and mores.

It's fascinating to know that This night I was walking to Wal-Mart for cereal, laundry detergent, and wine (yeah wine at Wal-Mart. Did you know you can't buy it with foodstamps? Assholes!). On the way their I ran into a person from a culture I had only read about--the Gullah/Geechee. The Gullah (Geechee in Georgia) are a culture unique to America evolved from the Lowcountry area of South Carolina and Georgia. Because of many different factors, the population in these two areas of black people to white was wildly in favor of black. Due to this, their culture became the dominant one, even if socio-economically the people weren't. This was enhanced after the civil war when many of the areas in which the Gullah people lived saw an exodus of white civilians. Eventually a unique language formed. A pidgin of various creole, and African languages, and of course English. When you read the language (http://www.charlestonblackheritage.com/gullah.html) you think that perhaps its very similar to English, and that it would just be heavily accented.

You would be wrong, you silly silly girl.

When you hear it its very clear that this is not English, nor any language you have heard. Think of it as seeing a text of Portuguese, recognizing Spanish phrases, and thinking you could speak Portuguese if faced with it because of some slight familiarities with what you already know. As a person who has studied languages for some years now, the very idea that America as we know it can produce new languages is fascinating. Of course there are examples of the pidgin spoken in New Orleans, but this was a love-child of the amount of cultures mixing together. In the lowcountry, however, it wasn't so much cultures intersecting, but one culture being allowed to flourish. In other words it developed in the same way English, French, or Arabic developed--organically due to isolation. Fascinating.

Speaking of language, the slight amount of Arabic I knew came in handy today, making me want to learn much more. A student came into my office to find some service opportunities. She was obviously Muslim, or from a Muslim culture. After talking with her a little bit I found out she was originally from Syria, attended the University of Jordan, married, and then moved here. Now she was getting a degree in accounting (all of her pharmaceutical credits from Jordan didn't transfer). We became very chatty, very open. Though my amount of arabic is equivalent to a newborns', the interest I showed in her culture was enough I think. On a side-note she was strikingly beautiful, which now makes the tally of Girls From Charleston With Whom Neil Has Fallen In Love number 23.

Even more fascinating for me, is watching other people have their eyes opened by discovering the culture that is hidden from them. Our first big project of the year involved going to a local YWCA, and bringing CofC students to work with the after school program there. These girls--and I say this factually, without any sense of pejoration--rich, white girls surrounded by rich, white girls. They have never really seen the other cultures in America. They did, however, volunteer to knowingly go to a place that was outside of their culture zone, and interact with a type of person they probably never had before. They should be applauded. We had a debriefing afterwards, and many of the girls were absolutely shocked by what they had seen. Charleston is a rich city, but with no middle class. You are either rich, or in the ghetto. These women had never seen the ghetto. Small children were innocently asking "Where'd all you white people come from?" The college is only 4 blocks away from this place--4 blocks and little black children had never seen a white woman, and white women had never seen the poverty that surrounded them. That's how segmented this city is.

It's horrifying and fascinating at the same time to see. It's not that the rich men and women of Charleston by any means try to force this (at least not all of them), it's just that so much of the culture is still left over from the brutal history of the last 200 years, that even if the minds and hearts of the citizens feel no hatred towards each other, the separation still exists. This time no law or institution is keeping it this way, just cultures so different that they are like oil and water.**

Bitches.

2008-09-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows that most women are vindictive, petty--yet cunningly smart--animals that need to be conquered like a wild horse. That said, some have shown a remarkable talent for tenderness once an overdeveloped zygote shoots out of their womb. This dichotomy of nurture/hatred has always piqued my curiosity, and was brought to the forefront of my 10% larger brain by a conversation recently.

I was in a car with 4 women, and as always was keeping quiet and minding my own business; I was simply listening in on the conversation. They were talking about the best breakup songs. Now I don't necessarily have a breakup song. Usually each song is tailored to the breakup. For an emotionally draining one, perhaps I will listen to Beck's Lost Cause. For one that gives me relief, any Tom Petty will do. Probably one that always rings true, and perhaps comes closest to a perennial breakup song is Oasis's (yes that is correct grammar you fucks) "Don't Look Back in Anger." The songs these women were listen to, however, spanned from almost anything by Alanis Morissette, to that one by Carrie Underwood that made me turn off the radio all last summer (something about keying his car?). [Editor's Note: These song choices were honest, and not some attempt at portraying a cliche. I am above such moves.] Why such anger? Is it because they have not experienced fulfillment by procreation? Or are they naturally like this?

Comments?

It was like watching a Michael Bay movie, but only completely opposite in every sense.

2008-08-31T13:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a poetry slam that a friend of a friend organized. This was a new experience, to say the least. I heard this type of poetry before, but not often. Purdue does not exactly foster the type of environment in which these contests occur. Come to think of it, Indiana doesn't really foster that type of environment. Or most of the Midwest. On my way there, I was a bit apprehensive because I thought that I would stick out as what these kids today call "n00bs." Fortunately it seemed most in the crowd had never been to a slam before, and were just as curious as I was. The slam worked by groups of spectators would rate each poet, hold up their rating on a board, and the average score was worked out.

My group wanted to give every poet and every poem a 10, almost every single time. I may not know much about slams, but I do know poetry. The poets there were some of the best of the south, so all of them of course were going to be good. The ability of the poet to "move you" was not in question. How well each was at delivery, uniqueness, cleverness, honesty, form, rhythm, these factors had to be thought of before rating each poem. Most of the group, however, either didn't want to rate them at all (the "how can I rate someone's heart and sou?" argument--they want to be rated or they wouldn't be on stage), or had decided that a rating could only be based on emotional response.

On the way home, the experience made me start to think of how one should balance the feeling an artwork evokes in you, and its technical prowess. Just how does one regard art? Should one be rated more than the other? Does a truly great work have to have a balance of both? Or can something shine because it has such a profuse amount of one factor?

I have always been pleased with the AFI's Top 100 Films list. While I may not agree with all the selections on it, the list does a remarkable job of including some films that are probably only on there due to the technical feats it accomplished (ie Star Wars), while others are on there probably due to just the welling of emotions one gets while watching the film (Mr. Smith Goes to Washington). The top of that list, however, is reserved for those brilliant films that serve as an outstanding example of all those ways in which a work of art can shine.** The #1 film is Citizen Kane. It took me awhile to understand why this was so. The first time I watched it I realized it certainly was a good film, but a great film? I had trouble seeing it. Slowly though, I began to realize just how well put together the film was technically. Every aspect of the mis en scene serves to underscore the narrative. Not only did Orwell perfect lighting techniques, camera spanning (has anyone done it better since?), and invented new editing styles, he pushed these to new heights, some of which have yet to be reached again. Whenever a friend asks why I like the film so much, I have trouble explaining just how great Orwell's directing is. Part of the reason is that these techniques that were brand new in the film, have been used so often in the following 67 years that they no longer seem new--just a matter of course.

I realized on the ride home, that in admiring this film on its technical merits, an injustice is done by ignoring the way almost every actor played his or her part to the fullest. Orwell himself was the greatest in the film--he never was able to reach this acting height again. Watch his eyes in the film! Almost every emotion a man can have is played out just in his eyes. When needed, Orwell stripped the film of fancy camera and lighting work; he simplified the all that riff-raff to allow the characters to shine.

I've posted my favorite scene below. The scene takes place soon after Kane has acquired his inherited fortune, and has taken over the Inquirer newspaper. He is in the process of transforming it. Like the title character, the newspaper has an ambiguous identity. Half of it is an earnest journalistic endeavour, meant to bring out a truth that the other newspapers have been ignoring. The other half is an ugly rag, inventing yellow journalism, and being anything but honest. In this scene, however, Kane has yet to fall from grace (a fall that is as magnificent as Macbeth), and all of his noble ambition is laid out for all to see. His fall is more wrenching than his rise is delightful, but every time I see this scene, I hope that maybe this time Kane won't betray himself.

On a completely different subject, I'm not the only one taking the zombie invasion threat seriously. I hope the two candidates read this article:

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2783/how-would-the-u-s-military-fight-attack-by-a-zombie-army

**The exception to this is Singing in the Rain. Seriously, WTF AFI? This film is a fine, entertaining flick, but top 10?! The acting is nothing but average, the narrative was created to fit the songs, not the other way around, and the songs themselves were half plagiarized! The only decent thing about this movie was its editing and stage effects. Like hell that makes it belong in the top 10.

I hath caught the plague.

2008-08-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's 9:42 pm. I should've been in bed an hour ago. But the DNC is this week, and I must see what Jon Stewart has to say about yesterday's events. Must have political witticisms...

Every year I've gotten sick on the first week of school. Since, as many know, skipping class is only for when you are hungover, not sick, I always make it there. Strangely, about half the class is missing the next week...

But I thought "Hey! I'm out of college now, however temporary that may be (Go Go LSAT/GRE study manuals!), so surely I'll be OK now." What I didn't consider is that with all the students coming back, this will be one of the busiest weeks of the year. So today I got to go to work with a 103 fever, speak with a bunch of freshmen, meet the Volunteer Corps group, and appear on live television at the Live 5! (Motto: I'm too sick to think of something clever.) noon broadcast. Video posted later. I felt like a whore. The college is sponsoring the drive almost in name only, but I got to make it sound like this was a great opportunity for freshman to get involved with the community. As involved as one can get by dumping two cans of diced pineapple into a cardboard box. Maybe it'll get some students to our office and we can show them how to do some real good in the world. I don't know.

And now, story time.

Two years ago when I was an RA (or, as my friend's know it, Neil's Alcoholic Period.), I didn't exactly get along with my Staff Resident--a student supervisor. We weren't enemies, but we definitely weren't friends. This was made worse by the fact that I thought he was treating me unfairly with regard to his actions towards other RAs, and I'm a petty petty person, so I never really addressed the issue with him. That following summer, he invited all the remaining staff out to his house for some sort of picnic. I went out of the temptation for free food. It turns out that he had once been employed in the same position as my summer job, and he hated my boss as much as I did. I believe his words were "I wouldn't exactly consider him a person." From there on we were a lot better.

Now my SR, Ben, was about to get married. As a joke I had a mutual friend who was going to the wedding bring the happy couple 3 gallons of cranberry juice. (Confused? Visit here: http://www.honeymooncystitis.com/ Cranberry juice is a home remedy.) Here is where the fun begins.

There was another Neil invited to that wedding. My friend didn't put my last name on the gift tag. The happy couple thought the other Neil had given it. The other Neil hadn't gone to the wedding, and hadn't given a gift. When he received a thank-you note from the couple, he thought they were being sarcastic and didn't talk to them for months. A year later when I asked them if they enjoyed the cranberry juice, their jaws dropped in surprise. It all made sense.

Fast forward a year. An old friend of mine is driving across the nation visiting potential graduate schools, and camping along the way. He stops in Montana (approximately 1,500 miles away from Indiana). The car next to him has Purdue tags. He asks the campers if, out of the 40,000 students at Purdue, had they met a Neil Hudelson. Their reply? "Tell him thank you for the cranberry juice."

And that's the way it was.

Update

2008-08-25T19:51:00.001-07:00

Watching the DNC.

Holy Shit Michelle Obama is hot right now.

Life update 1.

2008-08-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't really wrote about anything I've been doing for about 3 weeks, so let's get it all out at once, shall we?

I may not get paid much, but one fortunate side effect is that people take pity on you and pay for things. Case in point, two weekends ago I got to drive to Charlotte, which is a beautiful city, spend two days there including theme parks and museum visits, all meals paid for, then drive back. Oh and they gave me money for gas. All because--side note, Sen. Claire McCaskill just called Truman an independent during the DNC. Truman was a machine politician that was chosen as VP simply to win his state--a coworker needed to have some oral surgery in Charlotte, and her parents didn't want to take the time to drive down and back twice.

Then this weekend...absolutely nothing happened. So you are thinking, "Life sucks for Neil, it being so boring and all. Too bad he's broke and can't do anything fun." You would be WRONG! Here's what happens when you have no money and lots of time. You make your own fucking fun! I get this call from Chocolate Bear, announcing that there are a group of people walking through downtown Indy. I of course think "How can this be taken to the next level." Try 300 zombies shuffling through downtown Charleston, ending with 20 of them doing the Thriller Dance in what used to be a slave market. Right? Yeah, it's happening. I'll update you as it comes together.

So other than that, the only other things in my life is that an ex-girlfriend--or whatever you would call her--is engaged. My first girlfriend has gotten hitched already. I never felt sad over either. With the now engaged one, the break-up was pretty easy as it was apparent we were both in different places, both geographically and developmentally. So even though I felt very close to her, probably more than she or others knew, I wasn't hurt by the break up. With the hitched-girl I felt very grateful for every decision I had ever made when I found out her wedding was Rome themed. Yes. The guests, bride, groom, etc. dressed in Togas. I'm not making this up.

Anyway, you would think I would feel really weird with people in my life entering almost-final stage of maturity, but I only feel a sense of bewilderment. Bewilderment at the fact that this doesn't bother me at all. I feel that friend after friend has this energy to unite with someone else. The only energy I feel right now is an energy to improve myself--a decidedly more selfish energy. It's a very odd feeling. I've been having odd flashes. Dreams where I am teaching people, and crowds are gathering. Two nights ago I had a flash that I would die young. I feel a sudden urgency to learn about Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, legal theory, philosophies of social movements, and foreign policy modes. In short, I'm a 23 year old almost jobless, poverty stricken male with a messiah complex.

So...that's fun.

Song of today: The Jayhawks - Blue.

I am a genius.

2008-08-14T16:13:00.000-07:00

Discovery Last Night:

Baby Bottle

+

Scotch

= Worry Free Drinking

A day in the park.

2008-08-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

"Welcome, fans, to the start of preseason football, here in Madison Park. As many of you fans may remember, last year's finals saw one hell of an upset after 12 years of NFC domination. The NFC has regrouped, however, and are looking to show that last year's upset was a fluke that will not be repeated."

"Right you are Fred. It doesn't look good for the NFC, however. After last season the AFC's recruiting power was unlike anything they had seen in years. After some brutal negotiations, they scored a star quarterback. Though largely untested after only playing 2 years in College, the AFC is betting that youth will trump experience in this year's play-offs. And I've seen enough sports movies to tell you that youth always triumphs over will."

"And both teams are taking the field, Will. Now astute fans watching right now may notice something odd about both teams--"

"If I'm not mistaken, both sides are missing a number of key players."

"That's right Will. In a surprise maneuver, neither team wants a full roster before the regular season starts. They believe by denying the other side a full enemy, they will not be able to formulate a good defense."

"That is an interesting strategy, Fred. One could argue that the earlier you have a full team, the earlier you can develop a cohesive offense to dominate the game."

"Yes, one could argue that."

"Both sides are lining up at the line of scrimmage. There appears to be some confusion on the AFC side. It appears that Clinton is trying to take the field as quarterback. There's some chatting going on...and yes, Obama is back in position."

"Not so fast there Fred, Hillary is coming back on the field. This time with her husband in toe. Both are now trying to convince Obama to let all three of them play Quarterback."

"It looks like Coach Howard is sorting out the confusion...and yes! Obama is still the quarterback."

"On the other side of the line, McCain is trying to get the Ref to allow all three on the field."

"He won't have much time to do that, Fred. And here's the snap! Obama fades back looking for an open spot. Gore is running down the sidelines, clearly open. Obama fakes to Gore. Oh! Dodges a nasty attempt by a linebacker...And then throws it to an oil lobbyist."

"Risky move, that one, Fred. A lot of Obama's strength before this season began was based on his ability to withstand that tough blocking on the side of the NFC. It seems this one got through though."

"The NFC now has possession of the ball. The snap to McCain. He hands it off to Military. Gain of 5 yards!"

"The NFC is in a good position now. Making headway into AFC territory. What's that going on the field?"

"It appears McCain is walking off the field. Any report on that Fred?"

"Arthritis, Will. There is a storm front coming, and, as Coach Bush put it 'His shuckin' knee is a actin' up.'"

"Tough break for the NFC. Without a Quarterback it looks like they will have to--"

"What is this! It looks like Lieberman is tearing off his jersey and running across the scrimage line. Yes, yes I think he is switching sides! No, no he's not putting on an NFC jersey. He's actually playing skins now, but taking queues from both sides. He is now dry-humping McCain's knee back to life."

"It's appeared to have worked, Fred, as McCain is coming back, waiving to the crowd from his waist."

"As we end the first quarter, Obama is going to have to find some quick replacements from the bench to shore up his defense."

"Not a problem, whatever the fuck your name is (i'm too lazy). Eisenhower, Moseley, Anderson, Chafee, Nixon (Julie), Leach, and Hagel are rushing the field to fill in Lieberman's hole."

"And that will wrap up the end of the first quarter, with both remaining even on the field. No territory gained or loss, except for Paul's phantom game off to the sidelines, in which he has killed both referees, and abolished yard markers and end zones. Stick around for the start of the second quarter after this quick commercial break."

Filler...

2008-08-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

So I know this blog is to update people on living in Charleston. Frankly nothing all that interesting has happened here. The ocean is great, people are great, history is amazing (I live in a pirate town!!!!!!!!), but events have been mundane. I promise to share my adventures when I have them.

In the meantime...

I was trying to think of my top 5 (because base 10 rocks!), desert island, favorite songs of all time. This is much harder than it sounds. First you have to consider emotion. If you are depressed when coming up with a list, you will have a tendency to favor darker songs much more than lighthearted ones. Also the time of year will surely influence you, just as it will subtly alter your personality. Knowing all of this I still thought I could narrow down what I considered time and again the best songs I've heard, of any genre, of any time period. Of course I'm limited in that I don't listen to much classical or opera, and the jazz I do listen to I rarely put as my favorite, so really this should be a top 5 pop/modern list. Fuck it though, this is my blog.

In order:

1. Sam Cooke - A Change is Gonna Come.
The first thing strikes me about any song is its musical value. Lyrics come second. A well written set of lyrics can trump poor music, but it's rare (example: Any Tom Waits song). This piece, Cooke's swan song, has some of the most striking orchestration I've ever heard on a pop song. Ray Charles would emulate this style on a lot of his later songs, but to a much more garish extent. The orchestration syncs perfectly with the lyrics and the vocals, none of them outdoing the other. All creating a beautiful tapestry on which all of Cooke's frustrations of the racial problems in America, and eerily foreshadows his own death just slight of a year later. Unfortunately no video has surfaced of Cooke performing this song. He did sing it on live television--3 days before the Beatles appeared on Ed Sullivan. Any footage of this has disappeared.

2. Billie Holiday - Autumn in New York.
Many people have sang this song; Lady Day did it best. Nick Hornsby, or maybe it was John Cusack, asked "Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was i miserable because I listened to pop?" Does one listen to this song when longing for a nostalgic, perfected, fantasy that probably never was, or does one long because of the song? The intense longing for a simple, low key comfort found in shortening sun, and the last burst of joy before the onset of winter depicted through the lyrics are transformed to a vivid, yet muted painting by the strength of her vocals. Read "In a Station of the Metro" by Ezra Pound if you are having a hard time understanding what I mean.
The best visual I could find on youtube:

3. Delorian - Violence in the Snowy Fields

I can't explain this one. The music, lyrics, and vocals are great, but not the best ever. I just really fucking like it. Always has. I heard this song about the time I found my confidence. It's message synced with my feelings at the time, and I've been hooked ever since. No youtube of it, since they aren't that big. You can find them on Amazon though, with some great reviews.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_dmusic?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-music&field-keywords=Violence+in+the+snowy+fields&x=0&y=0

4. Tony Rice - Prisoner's Waltz.
Most people probably won't like this, since it is traditional, verging on bluegrass. Give it a chance though. I think it lives up to its name. It portrays the tragic in the mundane. Once again no full song, just a preview:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Prisoners-Waltz/dp/B0010W9CQA

5. The Ike Reilly Assassination - When Irish Eyes Are Burning Bright.
SO this song probably wont' stay on this list permanently. In fact it will be awhile until I nail down the final desert-island song. But in the meantime this one will do. At first listen its a standard rock song about drinking and fighting. Ok actually that is what it is on the 20th listen. However for me it does something. I listen to it I want to get drunk, fight, fuck, maybe all at the same time. I want to put my fist through a window, piss off a guy bigger than me, spend more money than my life is worth, and find out the other mistakes I made when I wake up the next morning. Can you name many songs that make you want to do that? No? Well then don't criticize this song.

Oddly enough I couldn't find a video of this song, but I could find a free download of it here.
Right click, and save. You know the drill people.

So...there you go.

Life will smash you in the face!

2008-08-03T11:51:00.000-07:00

Outside of the basic essential in life, there are 2 things every guy in the world needs. A sword, or a very large knife if this is impossible, and friends that will stomp you on the nuts with their fun. Unless you can go out for a few drinks and plan to be back by a little after midnight and instead you wake up at 2 pm the next day with a black eye, a sore throat, 34 cents in cash, blistered feet sans one toe, and it now burns to pee, oh dear Lord what was in that pipe, did I really pee on a hells angel's muffler, why does that Jane keep on looking at me funny? Then you don't have the right fucking friends! Everyone can find some people to share your feelings with and lean on for support, but there are only so many people out there who will share your same propensity for a complete disregard for personal safety after 15 mixed drinks at a house party where the house doesn't have an actual floor, just kind of a dirt concrete base, and the stairs have certain ones you have need to skip unless you know your tetanus booster is up to date. If you can find the toilet seat I wouldn't recommend using it.

So there I was, knee deep. It's a Friday night and I'm getting pizza at a joint that has what looks like penises as door handles (they claim its a mushroom) and I'm drinking a mixed drink that tastes like heaven and is called a Samuel Jackson (recipe: Orange Juice, Triple Sec, Gin, Lysergic acid diethylamide, and garnished with a monkey's thyroid). Who walks in and sits down at my table, but the girl I was supposed to live with, who kind of jerked me around and made me feel like I was going to be homeless for my first month in Charleston (I'm not bitter, that' just how it was. She's a nice person). She's, from what I gathered, kind of dating one of the guys I was hanging out with. We'll call him Matt, since that's his name.

At this point I want to say that I've seen the Dark Knight twice now. The Academy needs to collect every best actor award ever given, plus all the awards coming up, and melt them down into one giant fucking Oscar to be given to Heath Ledger's family. Al Pacino can keep his.

After slamming some Sammy Jacks, we-skipping the fun, yet not fun to read next 8 hours--drink until 5 am. Sunrise #1.

I wake up at 1 pm, take a nap at 2. Run to the beach and back. Then get ready for round 2.

Nine pm I am drinking in a fucking church! Under a stained glass window, with the good Lord, I'm assuming, smiling down on us. Two hours later I'm in this pub with a band playing acoustic jam covers of Kanye West. By the way, this whole night was a going away event for a coworker. She gets the band to hand out tequila shots, which means I'm pissing in public tonight, and probably saying inappropriate things to people I don't know. We find out that the girl who is going away has never done a certain thing most college students try once. We'll call it Picking Out a Toothbrush. Well fortunately one of my posse's brothers happened to have a bag of toothbrushes (Sorry Mom), so we head over to his house. Now generally when I'm brushing my teeth, I feel like someone's shoved a wood file down my esophagus and have filled my eyes with superglue. It also feels like I can shoot cold fire out of my hands, so you know, it's a trade off. This stuff however was slightly less abrasive than oxygen.

Best thing about this particular blend of toothbrushes, my feet became supercharged. You know how in sonic the hedgehog you can hold the down button and he'll start running in place really quickly, then when you release its all chariots of fire and shit? It was like that. Then, then, then, a guy JUMPS OVER ANOTHER PERSON. I don't know if that really sinks in from the words, so I've recreated the scene below:

I bet you aren't making fun of my supercharged feet now!

Alright, I haven't had food in 20 hours. Peace.

Awww, damnit!

2008-07-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

So after my heterosexual lifemate, Brown Bear, read my blog he, concerned with my safety, pointed out that while the ever present threat of zombies is indeed something for which one should prepare, there are bigger threats out there. Global warming, airborne viral mutations, Bill O'Reilly, and the worst of all: Velociraptors. These slimy, scaly little bastards rarely see the light of day, instead choosing to spend their time in underground tunnels cunningly planning their attack on the good people of this world. These souless demon spawn of the cloven footed devil himself need to be wiped off the face of the earth once and for all (Artist conception below), but unfortunately and just smart enough to keep well hidden from our searching eyes. Why do they stay hidden? You may be asking. Because they are planning, little Billy, planning to eat you in the middle of the night.
Here's the thing with Velociraptors...they are smarter than zombies. Much smarter. Smart enough that I really just don't know what angle to take in preparing my defenses. Obviously a sword as a suitable weapon is out. I've never claimed to be too awful brave, and I'm sure as hell not brave enough to go up against a Velociraptor armed only with a Katana. They fight in pairs, in case you didn't know that. I'm not even sure if small arms are suitable. I need a submachine gun or something. The aircraft carrier could still work as a base of operations, but I think I'd rather leave the town. As fast as they are, they are a lot slower than zombie viruses. A fast car will get me out of there, and an internet connection will give me time to warn everyone west of here.

Except those slimy Republicans, I mean death-lizards probably arrived on the west coast, due to their origins in the Pacific (their eggs were smuggled in on a cargo boat by disreputable sailors looking to make a quick buck), which means I'll be on the tale end of their attack. And if they've made it all the way here, through all of the superb capabilities of the Department of Homeland Security, those left will be the best of the best. Darwinism works people. Frankly its quite possible that on a tactic/assault view, they are going to be smarter than me. My one weapon, once again, is the water. There are plenty of boats around here, including some quite nice yachts. I take one of those, load it up with supplies, and head for jolly old England, where I can recruit a ragtag army of expatriots to take back our country.

Except this feels like cowardice. I'd rather stay and fight, I just don't know how.

Suggestions?

Some Sais, or a Bo-staff at the very least.

2008-07-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

So all around my house I have Hurricane Evacuation Route signs. What they don't have, however, are Zombie Evacuation routes. For the past 23 years this has never bothered me. My first 18 years I lived on a farm in a rural town--easily defendable and with a ready source of food. For the last 5 I lived at Purdue University, which had a vast network of tunnels easily converted as a makeshift base of operations, and 40,000 college students, who, as everyone knows, are well aware of the danger of a zombie horde outbreak. Now however I live in a large-ish urban area (100,000 people or so)--a ready food source for the zombie hordes, and with a population that is decidedly not college students. I doubt most of these people here even know how to decapitate a zombie with a Compact Disc, nor care to learn. They whittle away their days fishing for mackeral, and surfing. What this does mean for me, is that if--when--the Mindless Plague shows up, I could be in a position both to survive, and possibly lead the other survivors.

Right now my emergency plan--and keep in mind I've only had a few days to scout out the areas resources--would involve two possible actions. Worst comes to worst I hightail it to Folly Beach--only a few minutes away--and head to the pier. Assuming zombies can't swim, and I have yet to see any evidence that they can, I can cut off the access to the pier, use the boards for a cooking fire/smoke signals, and fish for survival. Obviously this is not a permanent solution for many reasons. First, fires on a wood pier are generally not a good idea. I mean I can use the tin roof to make a fire pit pretty easily...but still. Also from every movie I've seen, as soon as I'm lulled into a sense of safety, some zombies will have walked the bottom of the ocean and will climb up the anchors of the pier. Now I'm fucked out in the ocean rather on land. At least on land I can outrun a zombie.

So plan two. There is an old Aircraft carrier here, the USS Yorktown, which was created during WWII. As we all know, Nazi Germany was experimenting with zombies during WWII to create a super army (more proof). Knowing this, I'm sure the US Military outfitted all new war machines with anti-zombie defenses. If I can make it to the USS Yorktown, I can survive on the MREs I always keep in my trunk until help arrive. I'm assuming at least a few cadets from the Citadel will have the same idea as myself, and will try to make it to the carrier. Once this happens, we can decide on a course of action from there. Right now my problem is that I don't have much in the way of a weapon. Of course I always keep a baseball bat and tire iron in my trunk, but that's really going to tucker me out. It's much better to decapitate then to bash, as Grandpa Jimmy always used to say. I have always felt that a combat shotgun would be the best general defense, and I can keep that in my room, but when driving around I'm still unprotected. A gun won't work there because I'm afraid that I will be pulled over. I know the government has its eye out on me, and I dont' want to give those bastards a chance. A sword, however, I think is a pretty good weapon, combining the portability/no licensure of a baseball bat with the lethality of a shotgun.

I still need to think of a suitable plan of action if the plague hits while I'm at work. Any ideas?

Like every man's best dream and worst nightmare.

2008-07-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

The ratio of girls to guys at the College of Charleston is 7:1. That's right, for every 8 people you see, only one will have an extra letter in their chromosonal alphabet (and according to spellcheck, chromosonal is not a word. If I can get 5 scholarly sources to use this in a publication, I can claim credit for a new word and get it in the oxford dictionary. Let's make this happen people!!!!). So you think that would be awesome if you are a charismatic, charming man, with roguishly good looks in the prime of his youth, right? Well so far school is not in session, so I can't make a full judgment yet, but I have my doubts.

See, first off its not just the college that is disproportionate, it is the whole city. When applying for housing, only one person I interviewed with was male. At the movie theaters, all the people behind the counters are women. All women bus drivers. Gas station attendants, librarians, hardware store workers. Fucking hardware store workers! You would think there would at least be some institutional gender-bias there!!

Anyway, here is my worry. Every girl I know who has lived with other women has told me that their...cycles...become in sync over time. Ok not every girl i know has told me that, because that would be way too many women freely offering up that unsolicited information, but you get the idea. Now, imagine an ENTIRE FUCKING CITY SYNCED UP AT ONCE!!!

Can you imagine the problems here? I haven't been in this city long enough, but I imagine sometime in the next 3 weeks I will step out onto a street one day, and I'll taste a change in the air. LIke that ozone taste that happens right before a big storm. I'll look around not knowing why I feel so tense. As I start to wander down the street, and arm will grab me from behind, and pull me into a well camoflaged dugout. "What the hell you doing out on the street?!" The unseen man will ask. "You want to get yourself killed? You know its not safe for another 5 days!"

Me being unprepared will then have to go without food, bathing, whatever for the next 5 days, only feeding at night when I can dash to dumpsters, only drinking the rain water I can collect, until I know its safe to venture back into the open.

On another note, this whole 9 to 5 thing is really weird. I get up in the morning, do the whole S.S.S. deal, go to work, come home...and then I have nothing to do. No pressing obligations. No papers to write, meetings to attend, professors to email. no stress. I don't know what to do with my life. Right now I've been catching up on TV shows, but at this rate I'll run out soon. Maybe for once I can actually read, write, play guitar, do all that stuff I used to do for fun. I'm going to have to reinvent my life.

It's exciting.

My 1st day.

2008-07-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day of work. I've had lots of first days of work, but this one was different then the rest. Today was the first day on a job that functions as my sole income. No help from the parents, no college loans available, some government assistance but that's only because I'm in poverty. How much in poverty? Technically, according to the government, I make $0 annually. I'm a "volunteer" for Americorps VISTA, and I get a living stipend of $830 a month (that's poverty level + 5%), soon to be augmented by $150 in food stamps. (Skip ahead at this point to avoid boring math). My apartment costs $385 a month, so that brings me down to $445 a month. I'm hoping all groceries are covered by food stamps--if I can work that out, so food doesn't really bring me down much. I'm assuming about $150 for water, electricity, and cable internet--electricity will be expensive due to the constant AC (welcome to the South). That gives me a monthly budget of $295, if I did my math right. Shit, I forgot cell phone...$245. Lets say $50 in gas, even with a good bus service, so that puts me at $195 a month in spending money. If I ever want to visit home, a plane ticket, round trip, costs about 180. If I save $75 a month, I can come home about every 10 weeks. That means I have about $120 a month.

So that'll be a change from my past life style.

In all I'm really excited though. I have these really idealist, naive thoughts about the world, and how it should be ran, who should run it (me), and so on. For the most part those in power forget, if they ever knew, what its like to be an average person. I think feeling what its like to be much below average may make it stick in my head a little longer than average. I'll also be in a unique position of trying to alleviate poverty while living in those same conditions. Imagine if politicians had to live in the same conditions of those people whose laws they pass affect negatively? Before you can pass a law, say, denying children under the age of 10 healthcare, your children must live 2 years without you being able to provide for their physical well being.

Anyway...

About my job. I'll be working through VISTA with the College of Charleston, getting their Community Service segment of their Service Learning office off the ground. What that means is that I'll be identifying community needs, making community contacts with organizations that need help, and recruiting college students to volunteer. I'll be helping to "alleviate poverty" (VISTA's goal), more indirectly than many others, but I think the work I'll be doing will help me in pursuing a career in nonprofit work. My co-VISTA seems really friendly, and one of the office workers and her roommates are awesome. Let's see if I can start to make some connections here.

Most interesting fact of my life so far, at least to describe it:

My roommates are two women who met working at a coyote ugly type bar, one is a former lesbian surfer (currently surfer, former lesbian) and the other a professional body builder. That said they are two of the most completely normal, cool people I've met. But to describe them that way makes my life sound like an awesome fucking sitcom.

That's all for my first post.

-N

Oh yeah. The Dark Knight fucking rocked.